


To Protect

by TwoBoys2Love



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Assault, Bodyguard Jared, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gun Violence, Hurt Jensen, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Social Anxiety, Writer Jensen, author jensen, hurt!JDM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 03:52:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11153673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: Jensen is a famous author of horror novels. He gets his inspiration from his nightmares and fears. When he moves to an isolated house, he picks up a "stalker" who sends him vaguely threatening letters and flowers. His agent and long-time friend, JDM, hires a retired cop as live-in security for Jensen. As Jared makes himself at home in the house, on the grounds and the pool, they develop a friendship with tantalizing possibilities. What are Jared's motives for the friendship? Is JDM jealous or protective? Jensen ends up with two people he trusts pitted against each other.





	To Protect

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Supernatural/j2 Big Bang challenge on Livejournal
> 
> I had the pleasure of working with 2Blueshoes!
> 
> AO3: [Art Post](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11077071)
> 
> Thanks to Masja for the beta!

Jensen opened the box that was sitting on the table in front of him and pulled out one of the copies of the book that was packed inside. _Voices on the Wind by Jensen Ackles_.  
  
It was the fourth book he’d written and was on track to be his most successful yet. Jensen had discovered in his early 20’s that the nightmares that sometimes kept him awake at night kept many other people awake too. People liked it and they would pay for it too.  
  
Six years later and he had an agent, a home he loved and a career as a writer. It was a change from where he’d been and that was good. He had a direction, lots of ideas and things were feeling awesome. Well, most things were awesome.  
  
If he could find a partner who could live with his crazy imagination, then life would be perfect. That had proven to be trickier than Jensen had hoped. It shouldn't matter to him, but it did. There were times when Jensen wished that he had someone to share his life with, share his crazy ideas and travel with.  
  
Jensen tossed the book back into the box and headed over to the mirror. He smoothed his hand down over his t-shirt. It was one of his favorites. It was a reprint of the poster for _The Exorcist_ , Jensen’s favorite movie.  
  
Maybe it wasn’t the kind of thing most twenty-nine-year-olds would wear but he liked it. He ran his fingers through his dark blonde hair, then headed back across the office.  
  
The office was more like a Library than anything else. The walls were lined with shelves full of books. All of Jensen’s favorites were there, the classics of American and British literature, his favorite horror books and much more. Most of them he’d only read once, but some of them were so worn they were falling apart. _Interview with a Vampire_ was held together with a rubber band.  
  
He didn’t keep copies of his own books in his collection; the ones that had arrived at the house were for him to sign. There was no point in adding his own novels to his collection, the stories were always lodged in his mind. When he’d first started writing he had hoped that the process would weed the terrifying stories and images out of his mind but it hadn’t. Jensen had just learned how to live with them. Mostly. There were still times when it was overwhelming.  
  
As he headed down the spiral staircase, Jensen glanced out the floor to ceiling window. There was a car parked outside the gate at the bottom of his driveway.  
  
It had been happening at least once a week in recent months. Some of the fans of his books were a little over-enthusiastic when it came to Jensen and his whereabouts. So far, there hadn’t been a problem other than people trying to get photos of him but he didn’t like it. It felt like an invasion of his privacy.  
  
He’d stopped going out unless he had to do some publicity. Once, he’d even ducked down in the back of his agent’s car but that had felt ridiculous. It was probably just a few kids out joyriding in their parents’ car and nothing to worry about.  
  
Jensen pulled his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and texted his agent.  
  
_**Jensen** : The enemy is at the gate._  
_**JDM** : I’m on my way anyway. Will chase ‘em off._  
  
Grinning, Jensen slipped his phone back into his pocket. Jeffrey Dean Morgan had been Jensen’s agent since the publication of his first book. Jeff was a good friend. He was a bit older than Jensen, but they had a lot in common, not the least of which was being gay. And single, there was always that.  
  
Single in the big city. “Even your thoughts are pathetic, Ackles.” Jensen shook his head, jogged down the last few steps and headed across the tiled foyer to the kitchen. He’d made a kick-ass chili the night before and was looking forward to having some for lunch.  
  
His gardener, Rob had usually brought the mail up by lunchtime so Jensen grabbed a cookie from the jar on the counter and unlocked the back door. Rob always left the mail on the table near the kitchen door.  
  
Jensen pulled the door open and headed outside into the hot afternoon air. He was immediately thankful that he had air conditioning because he started to sweat as soon as he stepped out.  
  
There was a pile of envelopes waiting for him. The biggest one was from the publisher and probably contained forwarded fan mail. There wasn’t as much written mail since Jensen had gone full bore into social media. It seemed to make people feel like he was more accessible, even though they knew very little about him.  
  
Jensen thumbed through the stack of envelopes. One of them caught his eye as he flipped past it. There was no return address and the envelope looked like it had been run through a printer.  
  
Unfortunately, it looked familiar. There had been a few letters from the same individual. Jensen was getting tired of them and they were starting to get under his skin. It felt so invasive every time they showed up at his home.  
  
He tore the envelope open and pulled a single sheet of paper out. When he unfolded it, he sighed as he read it.  
  
_**Dear Jensen,  
  
I think about you all the time. I just want you to know that I’m always watching. You never have to worry about being alone.  
  
A Friend**_  
  
Jensen was half way through crumpling up the paper when a deep voice stopped him.  
  
“I thought I told you that the police said to keep those as evidence.” Jeff’s voice said from just in front of Jensen.  
  
As usual, Jeff looked nothing like an agent but he _did_ look good. He was wearing loose jeans, a white t-shirt, and his leather jacket. With his tanned skin, black hair, and athletic build, he had a rugged handsomeness about him.  
  
“I didn’t hear your bike, Jeff.”  
  
Jeff grinned and scratched at the growth of stubble on his face. “In pieces in my garage. I’m givin’ her an overhaul.”  
  
“You don’t need a man in your life the way you feel about that motorcycle.” Jensen held out the crumpled page for his agent. “You can add that to your collection.”  
  
“Oh goody.” Jeff straightened out the paper and read it quickly. “Whoever they are, they think you’re alone.”  
  
“I’m not alone; I’ve got you. And I made chili,” Jensen said. “Come in and have some lunch with me.”  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
“Y’know, those letters seem to be getting weirder,” Jeff said. He was sitting next to Jensen at the old, oak table in the kitchen. They each had a huge bowl of chili they were making their way through.  
  
Jensen chewed a mouthful then swallowed. “I guess, but they’re not a problem, right?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Jeff said after a few moments. “We probably shouldn’t underestimate anyone.”  
  
Suddenly, the chili didn’t seem as tasty to Jensen so he put his fork down. “What are you thinking? I mean what could happen?”  
  
Chuckling, Jeff pushed his own near-empty bowl away. “Don’t get all worried. I don’t think anything will happen, but I worry about you being out here alone. You’re miles from the nearest neighbor and all alone in this huge house.”  
  
“Don't be _too_ positive about it,” Jensen muttered. One of the things he _liked_ about his house was the fact that it was in the middle of nowhere. As for the size of the house, it wasn’t all _that_ big.  
  
His bedroom, bathroom, office and two small guest rooms with an adjoining bathroom were on the second floor. The first floor was the kitchen, living room, two extra bedrooms, another bathroom, a work out room and the back patio. Jensen had wanted a bit of extra space for when his family visited, although that didn’t happen very often. He was alone unless Jeff was visiting.  
  
Jeff reached out and squeezed Jensen’s shoulder. “You know I’m just worried about you, Jensen.”  
  
“I’m fine. I have the alarm system and only you and I can get past that.” Jensen sighed and ran his hands back and forth over his hair. “You trying to make me a nervous wreck?”  
  
Jeff smiled and leaned back. “You know, if you don’t feel comfortable alone, I could move in for a while. I could take one of the bedrooms down here.”  
  
“I couldn’t do that to you, Jeff. It’s a hell of an imposition for a friend.” That wasn’t the _only_ reason. Shortly after Jensen had met his agent; Jeff had asked him out. Jensen had declined because they were working together. He’d said how important Jeff’s working relationship was and he had rules about keeping his personal life and business life separate.  
  
Jensen didn’t doubt Jeff’s veracity but it didn’t seem like a good idea for his friend to move in. He needed Jeff in his life. He was a great literary agent and an even better friend.  
  
“You know, I’d do anything for you, Jensen. I’m already here half the time anyway.” Jeff grabbed both of their bowls and took them over to the sink to clean them out.  
  
“I know, Jeff. I just feel like it’s important for me to be independent, y’know?”  
  
“Sure, but you have to be _safe_ too.” Jeff rinsed out the bowls and left them to dry on the counter. When he turned, he leaned back against the counter and folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”  
  
“Me either.” Jensen laughed softly. Maybe Jeff had a point but there had to be a better solution “What if I hire someone?”  
  
“Hire someone?” Jeff frowned and stared at Jensen.  
  
“Yeah.” The idea was still forming in Jensen’s mind but it was making more and more sense. “Yeah. Like my own bodyguard or live-in security. Other people do that, right?”  
  
Looking a little amused, Jeff tilted his head slightly. “Yeah, I guess. You think that’s the answer for you? You don’t like strangers.”  
  
It was true. Jensen didn’t like people that he didn’t know. But, it didn't seem like a bad idea for a little reassurance that things were safe. “If it was someone who worked for me I could set the ground rules, right?”  
  
Jeff nodded after a few moments of looking thoughtful. “If you’re willing to pay a good salary, for sure. You’d get what you wanted.”  
  
“So, I hire someone and they can have one of the rooms downstairs. Can you take care of it?”  
  
“Of course,” Jeff said quickly. He pulled out his phone and began tapping the screen. “I’ll come up with a job description and put some feelers out.”  
  
“I won’t have to do anything, will I?” When he thought about it, Jensen didn’t want to meet a whole lot of random strangers.  
  
Smiling, Jeff shook his head. “I’ll bring you in on the final interviews. After all, it’s gotta be someone you can stand to be around.”  
  
“Good point,” Jensen thumped his hand down onto the table. “All sorted then.”  
  
“You make it sound so easy.” Jeff’s laughter was a great sound and Jensen joined him.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
About two weeks passed before Jensen heard any news about his new bodyguard. Every time he thought about it, he kept thinking of the stupid Kevin Costner movie. He’d never even seen the damn thing - just some previews late at night and it had psychologically scarred him. He was beginning to hope that Jeff would hire a woman because hat would bust the whole bodyguard film comparison to pieces.  
  
Jeff had texted to say the final interview would be at Jensen’s that afternoon. It would be a little weird having someone else at the house but he was obviously going to have to get used to it.  
  
“What do I wear to an interview?” Jensen muttered. He headed over to his closet and flipped through his favorite t-shirts. The one that caught his eye was light blue and had the Transformer, _Bumblebee_ on it. He wanted to make a good impression on whoever Jeff was interviewing but he figured he should be himself.  
  
“Jensen!”  
  
Pleased to hear Jeff’s voice, Jensen yanked the t-shirt down over his head and headed for the stairs. He peered over the railing and grinned. “Bike still in pieces?”  
  
“Some things can’t be rushed, Jensen.” Jeff’s smile was warm.  
  
Jensen headed down the stairs.  
  
As usual, Jeff looked good; a little more formal than usual in his black slacks and dark, red dress shirt. Jeff was the kind of guy who looked good in everything because he was always confident. Confidence was sexy which explained why Jensen was single.  
  
“I figured we could meet in the living room.” Jensen walked a few steps backward. “When will the _candidate_ be here?”  
  
“Any moment I would say,” Jeff answered.  
  
The gate intercom buzzed and Jensen nodded. “Accurate as always.”  
  
Jensen turned to the gate panel and punched in his access code.  
  
“Jesus, Jensen.”  
  
“What?” Jensen looked a little startled as he glanced around.  
  
“We’re interviewing security and you just buzz someone in without checking who it is?” Jeff rolled his eyes and walked back to the front door.  
  
“You told me that it would be him!” Jensen couldn’t help feeling a little anxious. Jeff had a point though and Jensen didn’t normally let his guard down.  
  
Jeff leaned back and looked out the window. “Relax, it’s him.”  
  
“Well, at least I didn’t let in the stalker,” Jensen said grimly.  
  
“Not so far,” Jeff said as he smiled. He pulled the door open.  
  
“How many interviews are there?” Jensen asked. Now that he was standing there waiting for someone, he was beginning to realize what lay ahead.  
  
“Just this one,” Jeff answered. He pushed the door open a little wider.  
  
“One?” With a grim smile on his face, Jensen took a step back.  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah. Is that okay?” Jeff asked.  
  
“What if we don’t like him?” Jensen asked quietly.  
  
“Did I say it was a guy? Don’t worry about all this, Jensen. I’ll move in if this doesn’t work out. I looked at about a hundred resumes and this was the best one. You don’t like ‘em it’s no problem.” Jeff grinned and opened the front door the rest of the way.  
  
“It’s not a guy?” Jensen hissed as he took another step backward.  
  
“You must be Jared!” Jeff stuck his right hand out. “Come in.”  
  
Jensen saw a huge hand clasp Jeff’s and then a rather striking man stepped into the house.  
  
“I’m Jeff. We spoke on the phone.” Jeff smiled and shook Jared’s hand before letting go slowly.  
  
“Pleased to meet you,” Jared said.  
  
Jeff gestured towards Jensen. “This is Jensen Ackles. Jensen, this is Jared Pada…”  
  
“Padalecki.” Jared closed the distance between himself and Jensen in two relaxed strides. “It’s great to meet you.”  
  
Jensen smiled weakly as he reached out to shake Jared’s hand. He had to look up slightly to see into Jared’s eyes. _That_ was unusual. The handshake was firm and Jared’s hand was warm. But, _hell_ , the man was one of the most attractive men Jensen had seen in a very long time.  
  
He had shoulder length brown hair, an angular jaw, and a slightly upturned nose. His eyes were a strange color, dark and light at the same time. Combined with his rather dazzling smile, his two perfect dimples made the overall effect was quite attractive.  
  
Realizing he had been staring, Jensen cleared his throat. “Hi. Hello. It’s nice to meet you, too.”  
  
When Jensen caught Jeff’s eye he could see his agent smirking.  
  
Just about the time Jensen started to feel uncomfortable, Jeff stepped forward. “Let’s head into the living room, shall we?”  
  
Jeff gestured for Jared to go ahead of them. When he passed Jensen he bumped their shoulders together and grinned.  
  
“Oh, fuck off,” Jensen muttered under his breath. He could see that Jeff was trying not to laugh and Jensen made a mental note to bitch at Jeff once the interview was over. It was obvious that Jeff _knew_ that Jared would make a very distinct impression. He could have warned Jensen.  
  
When he could finally move forward, Jensen headed into the living room. Jeff was already filling a glass at the bar as Jared got comfortable in one of the armchairs.  
  
“Jared’s having water, would you like some, Jensen?” Jeff asked.  
  
“Uh, sure.”  
  
Wandering over to the sofa, Jensen took another look at the candidate. Jared was wearing a well-fitting, expensive suit, maybe Armani. His white shirt was crisp under his sky-blue tie. He wasn’t wearing dress shoes; he was wearing boots. Interesting choice.  
  
Jensen had to admit that Jared appeared to be very relaxed. Confidence was probably a good character trait for someone who specialized in security .  
  
“Here you go, Jensen.” _Staring again_ Snatching the glass out of Jeff’s hand, Jensen smiled sweetly at his agent.  
  
After he sat down, Jeff pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Just a few questions, Jared.”  
  
“No problem,” Jared answered quickly.  
  
Barely a few seconds passed and then Jeff was leaned forward slightly. “I’ve seen your resume, Jared. But, could you give us a brief description of why you’re the man for the job.”  
  
Jared leaned back slightly and smiled. “The obvious things are my training at the Police Academy. I’m well-versed in the law, combat techniques, security, safety. I’m trained as an Emergency first responder, a diver, rock climber - hopefully, none of those will be needed.”  
  
Jeff nodded and smiled. “Great, Jared. I didn’t pass on your resume to Jensen, so this is all new to him.”  
  
When Jared’s gaze swung to Jensen they both smiled. Jensen could feel heat creeping up his neck. _Great_. Blushing was one of those things he wished he could control.  
  
“I take security and personal safety very seriously. I’ve worked with a few celebrities over the past couple of years. My job is important to me. I work out a lot to ensure I’m in good shape -”  
  
“- I can tell.” Sometimes, Jensen also wished that had had more control over his mouth. But, it _was_ obvious that Jared took care of himself. He was clearly, muscular. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on the guy.  
  
Jared chuckled softly and looked down. “Jeff said you were funny.”  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Jensen looked over at his agent.  
  
“That’s Jensen,” Jeff declared. “Funny.”  
  
Widening his eyes slightly, Jensen shot Jeff, what he hoped was a dirty look.  
  
Fortunately, Jared began speaking again. It was very good timing in Jensen’s opinion.  
  
“I’m fit, I’m observant. I’m good at what I do.” Jared pushed his hair back from his forehead. “The past year I’ve been traveling a lot because I was working with people in the film industry. The idea of staying in one place appeals to me, and your home is great. Although I’ve got to say, you really shouldn't buzz people in without checking on their identity.”  
  
“I told you,” Jeff said.  
  
“You _told_ me you knew who it was,” Jensen muttered.  
  
Jared chuckled again. “You two are like an old married couple.”  
  
For a few seconds, Jensen couldn’t help staring. “I’m not old,” he answered indignantly.  
  
Jeff let out that laugh again that always made Jensen grin. _Lucky bastard._  
  
“I didn’t mean to imply you were,” Jared said with a lopsided smile on his face.  
  
“ _Anyway_ ,” Jensen said.  
  
“Yes.” Jeff continued with his questions even though he was still smiling. He glanced down at his phone then back up at Jared. “What would you suggest about the security of the house from what you've seen of it?”  
  
Looking thoughtful, Jared leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs. “Well, apart from the gate I would suggest changing all the locks. Reassign codes and security words. Fit the windows with contact alarms. I’d also take away the parking area outside the front gate. There's too much room there. It could be landscaped in such a way to still be aesthetically pleasing and prevent people parking there. The fence at the back of the house is easy to scale because of some of the trees that are growing back there.”  
  
“You went around to the back?” Jensen interrupted.  
  
“I came early and walked the perimeter in case you asked me any questions like this.” Jared looked serious. “Like I said, I take my job seriously.”  
  
Jeff slipped his phone back into his jacket pocket. “I can tell you do, Jared. No issues living here? It’s not close to the city at all, you know.”  
  
“I like the quiet,” Jared answered easily. “You can always _get_ to the city if you want but this seems like a little bit of paradise to me.”  
  
Smiling, Jensen looked down at the glass of water he was still holding. It was nice to hear that someone else could appreciate his choice to live in the _middle of nowhere_ , as Jeff called it.  
  
“A little too quiet for me,” Jeff added.  
  
Jensen sat forward slightly. “Why do you want this job?”  
  
The way Jared looked straight into Jensen’s eyes was a little intense. “I would like a home base. Somewhere that isn’t a hotel room. No matter how nice a hotel you stay in, it’s never a home. And if you need security, there’s a reason for me to be here. That’s always a good feeling.”  
  
“Jensen has a stalker,” Jeff interjected.  
  
“You never said it like _that_ before,” Jensen exclaimed.  
  
“He’s been receiving letters from someone. They’re not threatening in any way, just becoming a little disturbing.” Jeff pressed his lips together into a thin line.  
  
“Even more reason to change up the security. Do you have cameras?” Jared asked.  
  
“Cameras?” Jensen echoed quietly.  
  
“Security cameras on the perimeter of the property? At the entrances?” Jared asked.  
  
“No?” Jensen was sure he would be awake all night after speaking with Jared.  
  
“That’s another change I would make. Do you have a case file with the police regarding the stalking?”  
  
“Yes,” Jeff answered. “Frankly, it’s worried me for a while that Jensen is out here alone.”  
  
“I wasn’t worried until today,” Jensen murmured.  
  
“It’s not all bad,” Jared said reassuringly. “This place is a good setup. I could have it pretty damn secure in a couple of weeks.” Jared smiled at Jensen.  
  
“Are you from Texas?” Jensen blurted out. Again, with the no-control-of-his-mouth thing.  
  
“As a matter of fact, I am. Haven’t lived there for a long time, though.” Jared’s eyes narrowed slightly. “You too, right?”  
  
“It’s like old home week,” Jeff muttered. “I _think_ we have enough to make our decision, Jared.”  
  
“Don’t you want to hear about why I left the force?” Jared asked. His brow was furrowed as he looked over at Jeff.  
  
Once he thought about it, Jensen realized that Jared _did_ seem too young to have been working for very long. If he’d been to the police academy he sure wasn’t a cop for very long. Jensen opened his mouth to ask what happened but Jeff beat him to it.  
  
“No, that’s fine, Jared. I’ve done a lot of background research on you. Checked all your references and called the Academy. You did well there.” Jeff nodded and stood.  
  
Jared got to his feet quickly. “Well, thank you for the opportunity to meet both of you. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.”  
  
Jensen stood because it felt strange to be the only one sitting. “Nice to meet you, Jared.”  
  
“You too, Jensen.” Jared smiled warmly and gestured to the door. “I’ll show myself out.”  
  
While Jensen watched Jared walk out, he leaned down and picked up his glass. He was suddenly _very_ thirsty.  
  
“Well, that went well, don’t you think?” Jeff smiled and sat back down.  
  
“I guess. I’ve never chosen a bodyguard before.” The word made Jensen cringe and he sank back down onto the sofa. “Security.”  
  
“Could you live with him?”  
  
For a few moments, Jensen’s heart did some kind of bizarre skipping thing. Jared being around the house all the time could be a _bit_ of a distraction. But, Jensen would probably get used to it. “I could. I’m upstairs most of the time. He seems pleasant enough.”  
  
“I thought so.” Looking thoughtful, Jeff crossed his legs and stared out the window. “I think he’s a good choice.”  
  
“Why isn’t he a cop anymore?” Jensen asked as he sat back down on the sofa.  
  
“He had a change of heart about law enforcement. Figured he didn’t belong in a uniform.”  
  
When he glanced over at Jeff, Jensen could see that he was mulling things over.  
  
“So, what do you think, Jensen?”  
  
“Fine with me,” Jensen answered. He opted for trying to let the decision be put in the hands of fate. “You make the call, Jeff. I trust you.”  
  
“Alright,” Jeff said. “I think he’ll be great. I’ll let him know this evening. He can probably be moved in by the end of the week.”  
  
Sighing, Jensen slumped back into the sofa. It felt a little like his entire life was about to be turned upside down.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
At first, Jensen lurked around his own house like a spy. Jared moved in about two days after Jeff offered him the position. Workmen were at the house by the third day. All the reconstruction and installation of cameras was done by the fifth day. On the sixth day, the house was deceptively silent.  
  
Jensen knew Jared had moved in but the man was quiet. He was in the smallest bedroom on the main floor. It had an ensuite and a patio door. Jensen figured he had chosen it _because_ of the door.  
  
Occasionally, they ran into each other in the kitchen. Jensen had told Jared how to order groceries online using his account so the fridge was even more full than usual.  
  
Sometimes, the smell of something tasty would lure Jensen down to the kitchen under the ruse of needing a cold beer. Jared always offered him some of whatever he had cooked but Jensen consistently refused.  
  
He had planned to continue refusing politely until the day he saw the slow cooker on all day and discovered Jared in the kitchen with pulled pork. “Is that pulled pork?”  
  
Jared _never_ appeared startled by Jensen’s presence. It was as though he had some spooky security-guy ability to always know where Jensen was in the house.  
  
“It is,” Jared said with a slight smile on his face. “Smells good, doesn’t it?”  
  
“It does,” Jensen agreed. When Jared went back to his sandwich, Jensen headed to the fridge. “Would you like a beer?”  
  
“I don’t drink at work,” Jared said as he wiped his mouth on one of the dark green, cloth napkins that Jensen kept in the kitchen.  
  
“I won’t tell the boss,” Jensen joked.  
  
“I’m good. I’ve got coffee. I’m gonna be up tonight working on a report for you about all the changes.” Jared took another bite of his sandwich.  
  
Lingering for a while by the crock pot, Jensen opened his beer and drank some of it. He watched Jared enjoying his sandwich until he couldn’t take it anymore. “May I have some?”  
  
“Of course,” Jared put his sandwich down on his plate. “Help yourself. I got fresh whole wheat buns too.”  
  
Jensen was more of a white bread kind of guy but he was hungry. He set his beer down long enough to get a plate, a bun and some of the delicious smelling pork. He stood there for a while holding the plate before he found the nerve he needed to speak again. “Do you mind if I join you?”  
  
“ _God_ , Jensen. It’s your house,” Jared said. “Please, sit.”  
  
The chair beside Jared slid out as he pushed it with his foot. Jensen sat down before he could change his mind. It _was_ his table, sure, but he couldn’t help feeling like Jared would like them to keep their distance.  
  
It was weird to feel awkward in his own home, but it was no fault of Jared’s. Jensen took a bite of his sandwich and couldn’t help groaning in pleasure. It was the best thing he had tasted in months. He could cook a few things well but nothing like pulled pork.  
  
When Jared looked up he seemed amused. He tilted his head slightly and watched Jensen for a few moments. “You gonna be okay?”  
  
Nodding, Jensen took another huge bite and chewed it happily.  
  
“My Mom taught me how to cook. _Best_ thing I ever learned. I’ve missed it,” Jared said.  
  
“You’re very good at it,” Jensen said. “Really good.”  
  
“I’m glad you like it.” Jared took a bite of his own sandwich and the kitchen fell into an uncomfortable silence.  
  
Eventually, Jensen set his sandwich down so he could have some of his beer. “You know, I haven’t seen you using the house and grounds much. It’s okay.”  
  
Jared looked a little confused. “It’s okay that I’m not using it?”  
  
“No. I mean, yeah. It’s fine.” Jensen had even confused himself so he set his beer down and thought about it for a few moments. “What I meant was, it’s okay if you want to use the place, the workout room. The pool. I don’t expect you to be working all the time.”  
  
As Jared looked down at his plate, he turned his coffee mug around slowly. “I use the gym in the morning. You’re usually sleeping.”  
  
Nodding, Jensen took a bite of his sandwich. “Good. Feel free to use the pool too. The sun shines out there in the afternoon.”  
  
“I’ve assumed you want me on duty during the day,” Jared said.  
  
“Well, I guess if you see me being attacked or kidnapped, I’d appreciate the help but you must be just as effective by the pool as you are in the living room.” Jensen shrugged and took another bite of his sandwich.  
  
Jared laughed quietly. “True, although, I’m not sure swim trunks are appropriate attire for taking someone down.”  
  
The combination of words and visuals that popped into Jensen’s mind make him choke on the mouthful of food he was trying to swallow.  
  
Jared pounded his hand between Jensen’s shoulder blades a couple of times.  
  
When he could breathe without coughing, Jensen gave Jared a thumbs up.  
  
“You good?”  
  
“Yeah sorry,” Jensen whispered hoarsely.  
  
“Don’t be sorry,” Jared said quickly. There was a bemused expression on his face.  
  
“You know,” Jensen began. “I’m usually upstairs writing during the day. So, feel free to relax. Maybe we could discuss things in the evenings.” Despite his reluctance to have a stranger living in his house, Jensen was finding he enjoyed the company.  
  
When Jared finished chewing, he swallowed then looked over at Jensen. “I cook every evening and there’s always extra. My Mom taught me how to cook for five, not one. If I’m going to spend time relaxing during the day, how about you join me for dinner at night. When you’re free, I mean.”  
  
It wasn’t an unappealing offer. Definitely not. Good food. Some company. “It’s not taking advantage of you, is it?”  
  
“Eating what I cook is _really_ not taking advantage of me,” Jared said with the same bemused expression on his face.  
  
“Okay then,” Jensen said. “That would actually be great.” He meant it, and _that_ surprised him.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Writing was going well. Jensen knew that most writers took time off between their books but he couldn’t get his mind to stop working. He did what he always did when nightmares lingered in his mind when the sun came through the window in the morning; he wrote.  
  
By ten in the morning, Jensen was usually ready for some coffee. After Jared’s first week, he’d begun leaving a pot of coffee on downstairs in the kitchen. Jensen decided he could get used to having Jared around.  
  
It was Tuesday. Jensen fetched himself a coffee from the Jared-brewed-pot and headed back upstairs. A sound outside caught his attention as he arrived back on the second floor so he stopped by the window in the office.  
  
Jared was standing by the pool in swim shorts and a t-shirt. He had a towel over his shoulder and was staring down at the turquoise water in the pool.  
  
Jensen just stood there, sipping his coffee and watching. He figured it couldn’t be considered creepy if he just happened to be drinking his coffee there. Standing in the office looking outside wasn’t odd.  
  
Jared crossed his arms, grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up and off over his head. His hair was tousled when he turned to toss the shirt on one of the lounge chairs.  
  
The muscles across Jared’s broad shoulders moved under his skin smoothly as he stretched his arms high above his head.  
  
Jared was tall, Jared was _very_ tall. And, as Jensen already figured, Jared was very fit. His skin wasn’t pale; he’d obviously had some sun. It made Jensen wonder what kinds of things the man did in his free time. He’d said that he’d been travelling a lot with work so he could have been going to some sunny climates.  
  
When Jared dove in the water, Jensen sucked in a quick breath. For such a tall guy, Jared was graceful. His front crawl was flawless and his long arms had him flying through the water in no time.  
  
Blinking a few times, Jensen took a deep breath and headed back to his laptop before he gave up on writing for the day in favor of a nice, refreshing swim.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
With a low groan, Jensen tossed his napkin on the table beside his empty plate. “ _That_ was _really_ good, Jared.”  
  
“I’m glad you liked it. Mom’s lasagna was always one of my favorites. It’s even better the next day so there’s something to look forward to tomorrow.” The smile on Jared’s face was warm and he looked very relaxed.  
  
“It’s early, let’s have a drink out on the patio,” Jensen suggested. “It’s a beautiful night.”  
  
For a moment, it looked like Jared was going to decline but then he looked up and nodded.  
  
“What’ll you have?” Jensen asked happily.  
  
“Whisky.”  
  
“A man after my own heart,” Jensen said. He blushed when he saw Jared raise an eyebrow and decided to buy himself some time to regain his composure. “Anyway. Go on out back. I’ll put some stuff away and bring the drinks out.”  
  
It took ten minutes for Jensen to stow the plates in the dishwasher and the remains of the lasagna into the fridge. Jensen pulled two crystal tumblers out of one of the cupboards and grabbed the best whisky from the liquor cabinet. He had thought about pouring a couple of glasses but he was hoping for the conversation to last longer than that.  
  
The air outside was warm and dry. All Jensen could hear was the sound of his own footsteps and the cicadas.  
  
Jared was sitting at the wrought iron table near the French doors.  
  
“You’re right,” he said as Jensen set the bottle down on the table with the tumblers.  
  
“About?”  
  
“It’s a beautiful night.”  
  
“It is,” Jensen answered. “This is probably my favorite time of year. It was like this the day I moved in.” Jensen poured them each a drink then set the bottle back down. “I’d thought it would be perfect to sleep out here, but…” He shrugged.  
  
“But?”  
  
“Just not my thing.” Jensen had discovered quickly that he didn’t feel comfortable sleeping outside. He might like the romantic idea of it but he just couldn’t do it.  
  
When Jared reached for his glass he smiled. “You know. When you hired me, I wasn’t completely honest.”  
  
“You weren’t?” Jensen’s employee was getting more interesting by the moment.  
  
“Well, I wasn’t _dis_ honest. I just neglected to say that I knew who you were.”  
  
“Knew?”  
  
“I know your work.”  
  
“Ah.” It happened a lot. People often thought that Jensen wouldn't treat them the same if they came off as a fan, or alternately, as though they weren’t interested in his work.  
  
“I didn’t want to tell you about it during the interview in case it seemed like an attempt to persuade you to give me the job.”  
  
“It wouldn’t have done that,” Jensen said. He didn’t think of himself as _famous_. It was weird. Maybe because people read his words and didn’t watch him act or play a sport. “Is it a problem?”  
  
“That I’ve read your books?  
  
“I don’t know,” Jensen answered slowly. “Did you like them?”  
  
“In a way.”  
  
It wasn’t an answer that Jensen was accustomed to getting. A plain _yes_ or _no_ was much easier to deal with. Jensen drained his drink and poured himself another. “What does that answer mean?”  
  
When Jared leaned forward, his hair fell from behind his ear. “I think I wondered about what kind of mind would produce such horrifying situations. Do you ever scare yourself?”  
  
“Most days,” Jensen answered quickly. It was, after all, something he was used to living with.  
  
“Is that why you started writing?” Jared pushed his drink to the side and clasped his hands together like he was entirely focused on Jensen.  
  
The direct gaze was a little too intense for Jensen and he looked down at his drink. “Why would you ask that?”  
  
Tilting his head slightly, Jared looked thoughtful. “I’ve wondered that about authors before. What’s it like to be inside a mind that can create something so terrifying?”  
  
It was an interesting way to look at it. “I don’t see it as _creating_ those stories. They just … are there. They’re just unwelcome thoughts that I have to live with.”  
  
All Jared did was nod then pick up his drink again.  
  
“I started writing because I thought that it might make the thoughts go away.” Words poured out of Jensen’s mind, sometimes. There were nights when he wrote by hand to slow the process down.  
  
“Did it work? Jared asked. The light from the pool was catching Jared’s eyes.  
  
“The really bad ones don’t set up residence here now.” Jensen tapped his temple. “But, there’s always a new one waiting in the wings.”  
  
“Are you writing a new book now?”  
  
“Of course.” Jensen smiled and downed his drink once more. “Even if I couldn’t publish them I would keep writing. It’s cathartic.”  
  
Reaching out, Jared poured Jensen some more whisky. “Well, I’m glad it makes a difference for you. You’re an interesting man.”  
  
“You think so?” Jensen felt a slight flush of heat along his spine. It could be the liquor or it could be the way Jared looked. He was in jeans and a dark, red t-shirt; the opposite of how he dressed most of the time. Jensen found the more _casual_ version of Jared even more appealing.  
  
Smiling, Jared sat back again. He pinched the front of his t-shirt so he could pull it away from his chest and let some air in. “I’ve worked with a lot of really shallow people over the past few years. Actors who whine about the hours they work when they spend half of each day sleeping. People like that. You seem to put a lot of yourself into your stories. You don’t complain about the work.”  
  
“Why would I? It helps me. I make a living. That’s why I’m here which is kind of amazing. I always wanted a place like this.” Jensen’s smile was genuine. He _did_ enjoy writing in a strange way. And the fact that people liked what he wrote made him feel a little closer to sanity than he probably was.  
  
They were quiet for a while and Jensen watched as Jared looked around at the garden. Rob had done a beautiful job on the landscaping and the garden was aromatic and breezy at night.  
  
“I never see you out here at night, walking or swimming,” Jared said quietly.  
  
Jensen leaned back slightly. “No. I - I used to love walking at night but then it … it just wasn’t so easy.”  
  
When Jared picked up his drink, he smiled over the rim of the glass before taking a sip.  
  
“Do you think I’m weird?” Jensen asked. It was another one of those things he didn’t mean to blurt out.  
  
“Yes, but not because of that.” Jared winked.  
  
Jensen’s heart felt like it turned itself inside out. “Tell me something about you.”  
  
“Like what?” Grinning, Jared took another sip of his whisky.  
  
“Why’d you become a cop?” It wasn’t a particularly unusual or rare job choice but Jared seemed like the kind of man who could have gone into any field that interested him.  
  
The smile on Jared’s face didn’t falter but something in his eyes seemed a little sad. “My Dad worked behind a desk his whole life. When I graduated from High School, he told me that he wished that he had done something that made a difference to people. I figured that law enforcement might be the way to go.”  
  
“And then it wasn’t?” Jensen drained his drink and reached for the bottle.  
  
Jared’s fingers curled around Jensen’s wrist and stopped him from picking it up. “Let’s go for a walk.”  
  
For a few moments, Jensen thought about declining Jared’s invitation. Appealing as it was to spend time wandering on a moonlit night with an attractive man, Jensen didn’t like the grounds at night.  
  
“Come on,” Jared urged. “Like you said, it’s a beautiful night.” He squeezed Jensen’s wrist once and then let go as he stood.  
  
[](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/twoboys2love/66949000/26006/26006_original.png)Before he was aware he was doing it, Jensen stood and stepped around the chair so he could fall into step beside Jared.  
  
They walked along the pool deck and then Jared turned down one of the main paths that wound its way through the garden.  
  
Rob had installed solar powered lights every few feet along the path and it made for quite a beautiful scene. Jensen couldn’t help smiling.  
  
“What?” Jared asked. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You look happy.”  
  
“It’s pretty out here,” Jensen answered. “I knew Rob had put in the lights but I’ve never been down the path at night.”  
  
“He’ll be delighted to hear that you like them.”  
  
“Do you know Rob?”  
  
Nodding, Jared glanced at Jensen before looking ahead again. “I make a point of knowing everyone who comes here for any reason. Rob, the woman who delivers the groceries, the mailman.”  
  
Amused, Jensen looked up at Jared. He liked the way the moonlight made Jared’s hair shine; it was probably soft and silky. “I’ve always had my suspicions about the mailman.”  
  
“Shifty eyes, right?”  
  
“Oh yeah, and he is _always_ way too chipper.”  
  
“It’s unnatural.” Jared laughed and withdrew a hand from his pocket to sweep his hair back.  
  
Still chuckling, Jensen realized that they were further away from the house than he’d ever been before at night. _Interesting_.  
  
“I walk this way every morning after I work out,” Jared said. “Kind of a cooldown. Time to get my thoughts together.”  
  
Jensen nodded. “You seem like you have it together all the time.”  
  
“No one has it together _all_ the time.” Jared looked over at Jensen and smiled warmly.  
  
“Jeff does. Never seen a chink in his armor,” Jensen muttered. There were a lot of great things about Jeff, Jensen was fond of his friend, but he could be annoyingly calm.  
  
“I’m sure even the great Jeffrey Dean Morgan has a bad hair day now and then.”  
  
Jensen smiled skeptically. “Did you check _him_ out too?”  
  
That eyebrow of Jared’s went up again.  
  
“I meant in a security screening sense.” Jensen was never quite sure if Jared was bothered by the things that he blurted out or just acted as though he was so that he could get a rise out of Jensen.  
  
“Of course. I ran a background check on everyone connected to you.”  
  
“And he passed?” Jensen had no doubt that his Agent was a good man.  
  
“He passed. Not much of anything in his background,” Jared said quietly. “Can I ask you a question, Jensen?”  
  
“Of course, fire away.” The whisky had made Jensen feel more courageous than usual.  
  
“Why are you single? You’re an attractive man, funny, smart.”  
  
If Jared was making fun of Jensen, it wasn’t apparent in his expression.  
  
“I don’t like going out much, not much of a conversationalist. Besides, who would put up with all this weird shit in my head?” Shrugging, Jensen glanced at Jared out of the corner of his eyes.  
  
“It’s just part of who you are,” Jared said without the slightest hesitation.  
  
Jensen’s first instinct was to deny it, but the warmth on Jared’s face changed his mind. He smiled, felt the blush creeping back again and looked down at the path as they walked.  
  
For a long time, they were quiet and it was surprisingly comfortable. The crunching of their footsteps on the path was almost soothing. Before Jensen knew it, they were almost back at the pool again.  
  
When they reached the table, Jensen reached out for his glass and found his hand caught again by Jared’s. “Shall we call it a night?”  
  
Frowning slightly, Jensen turned to look at Jared. “I - sure.”  
  
Jared’s gaze was on their hands and very slowly his fingers moved until they were sliding in between Jensen’s.  
  
All that heat that had been lurking around in Jensen’s body seemed to gather in his stomach. He swayed slightly when he looked up at Jared.  
  
Jensen didn’t take many chances. He made a point of avoiding uncertainty. But, sometimes, there were moments that seemed like they were fate or destiny. At least, that’s what he told himself.  
  
With just the slightest tip of his head, he leaned in and pressed his lips to Jared’s.  
  
Jared’s long fingers tightened their hold on Jensen's at the same time as his lips parted slightly. Their mouths moved together, soft and warm then Jared retreated slowly.  
  
They stared into each other’s eyes for a few of Jensen’s thundering heartbeats and then Jared smiled. “That was unexpected.”  
  
“Unpleasant?”  
  
“Just unexpected.” There was a pink blush running the height of Jared’s cheekbones and his eyes were darker.  
  
“Okay,” Jensen said. He could work with unexpected.  
  
Jared’s thumb moved slowly back and forth over Jensen’s pulse point. “We should be careful.”  
  
“Careful,” Jensen echoed. He hadn’t the slightest idea whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.  
  
“Slow. Small moves.” Jared smiled warmly.  
  
The way Jared’s thumb was moving over Jensen’s skin was _very_ distracting. It was just the slightest touch but it was sending shivers up Jensen’s arm.  
  
“Okay,” Jensen said softly. “I can still have dinner with you?”  
  
“I’d be sad if you didn’t.”  
  
“We can have a drink out here sometimes. You know, when it’s a beautiful night?”  
  
“Absolutely.” Finally, Jared let go of Jensen’s hand and took a deep breath. He reached down and picked up the bottle in one hand and the two glasses in the other.  
  
“Long day,” Jensen murmured.  
  
“Yeah, I’m gonna…” Jared looked toward the door.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
They walked into the house together and Jared set the bottle down next to the glasses on the sideboard. “Thank you, Jensen.”  
  
“For what?” Jensen walked up a few steps before looking down over the railing.  
  
Jared shrugged. “Just being you. It’s good.” He walked a few steps backward towards the kitchen. “I’ll lock up.”  
  
Grinning, Jensen nodded and headed upstairs. For once, he was heading to bed with a smile on his face. It was … unexpected.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
“The offer is pretty standard,” Jeff said as he spread out some papers on Jensen’s desk.  
  
Jensen picked up his coffee. It was weird that having a conversation about his next book being published felt kind of ordinary.  
  
“The money is 25 percent more than for _Voice on the Wind_ , do you have a working title yet?”  
  
Jensen was vaguely aware that Jeff was speaking but the words weren’t sinking in. The problem was that Jared was back at the pool-side again. This time he was in board shorts and a tank top and reading by the pool.  
  
They’d been having dinner one night and Jensen had mentioned something that he’d written in as a clue in his first book. Jared had immediately hushed Jensen and said he would read it again and _find_ the clue.  
  
“Jensen!”  
  
“What?” Jensen turned his gaze back to Jeff and smiled. “I’m sorry. I was up half the night writing. What were you saying?”  
  
There was an odd expression on Jeff’s face.  
  
“What are you looking at?”  
  
“Uh.” Jensen glanced out the window again then looked back at Jeff. “Nothing, Jared is outside and the movement caught my eye. You were talking about money.”  
  
“I was.” Jeff smiled. “But, you were _absolutely_ not paying attention to me.”  
  
“Like I said, late night. Where were we?” The last thing that Jensen wanted was for Jeff to get curious about Jared.  
  
It took a long time for Jeff to answer. When Jensen looked up, his agent was staring at him. “What?”  
  
“Jensen, you don’t have a thing for Jared, do you?” Jeff folded his arms and leaned back from the desk.  
  
“Jared?” Fighting the urge to look out the window again, Jensen frowned at Jeff. “No. I. No.”  
  
“That sounds like a _yes_ to me.” Jeff smirked as he pinned Jensen with a knowing gaze.  
  
Shaking his head, Jensen gripped his coffee a little too tightly. “It’s not a ye - I’m - we’re not-”  
  
“- Aren’t _you_ the one who told me that it was a bad idea to date someone you work with?”  
  
“That is true,” Jensen said reluctantly. But, as far as work relationships went, it wasn’t like he and Jared were physically working in the same room all the time.  
  
“That was back when I asked you out,” Jeff said softly. “Have you changed your rule?” There was a mixture of curiosity and concern on Jeff’s face.  
  
“No, Jeff. I haven’t. There’s no reason for you to worry.” There was no reason for Jeff to worry because there wasn’t anything going on and, if there were, it wouldn’t be something that Jeff needed to deal with.  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“I’m sure. Now, tell me about the money.” Jensen moved to the chair behind the desk. It gave him less of a view outside so he’d be less tempted to watch Jared.  
  
The rest of the meeting went more smoothly. Jensen forced himself to concentrate and even jotted down some notes. Most of the information was just stuff Jeff needed to make Jensen aware of. The main task that Jensen had was to come up with a title for his fifth book. It was only half finished but there should be enough substance for Jensen to come up with something. When Jeff headed downstairs to leave, he said he expected a title by the end of the day.  
  
Jensen couldn’t help wondering if Jared might have a suggestion. He picked up Jeff’s coffee mug to take it downstairs and stopped at the window to check if Jared was still at the poolside.  
  
Jeff was pulling his leather jacket on as he walked out towards the pool. It looked as though Jared heard him coming because he stood up and nodded as Jeff approached.  
  
There was no way that Jensen could hear anything but he couldn’t help leaning closer to the window.  
  
Jeff was saying something, he gestured with his hands the way he nearly always did when he spoke. It was hard to judge by Jared’s expression what the two men might be discussing though.  
  
Then the expression on Jared’s face darkened and he replied to Jeff before pausing to listen again and then shaking his head.  
  
Jeff reached out and patted Jared’s shoulder then smiled and headed down the path towards his car.  
  
Jensen frowned when he saw Jared throw his book, rather forcefully, at the lounge chair. He rubbed his fist against his mouth then turned to look at the house.  
  
For some reason, Jensen took a step back as though he didn’t want to be caught. He continued to watch as Jared yanked his tank top off and dove into the pool.  
  
More than a little puzzled, Jensen headed downstairs to the kitchen, dropped off the dirty mug and then headed out to the pool.  
  
For a while, he watched Jared swim lengths of the pool then he walked over to the end of the pool and crouched down.  
  
As Jared swam towards him, Jensen marveled at the strength in his friend’s shoulders. It was impressive.  
  
When Jared reached the end of the pool he finally came up for air. He ran his hands through his hair and then wiped the water out of his eyes. “Hey.”  
  
“Hi,” Jensen said. “Everything okay?”  
  
“Of course. Did you need something?” Jared rested his arms on the side of the pool and looked up at Jensen with a furrowed brow.  
  
“No, no,” Jensen answered. “I just saw you and Jeff talking. All good?”  
  
Jared looked down at his arm and rubbed at his wrist as though it was aching. “Yes. Everything’s fine. He just. He was letting me know about some upcoming appearances.”  
  
Tilting his head slightly, Jensen sighed. “The book signings. Okay. Well, I shouldn’t have interrupted you.”  
  
“It’s really not a problem,” Jared said as he looked up at Jensen. “Anything you need.”  
  
“You know, if you ever have any questions or concerns about anything here, you can talk to me.” Jensen wasn’t sure what had happened but Jared seemed a bit unsettled by it.  
  
“Of course, Jensen. Everything is great. You’re one of the best bosses I’ve ever had.” Jared smiled but it didn’t change the concern in his eyes.  
  
“Okay. Well, I’ll be inside writing.” Because he couldn’t think of anything else to say, Jensen stood and headed back indoors.  
  
There was always the distinct possibility that he was overthinking everything. Thanks to his anxiety, he tended to see mountains where there were only molehills.  
  
Jared was an adult and quite capable of speaking his mind. He’d done it on several occasions with Jensen.  
  
“Just relax,” Jensen muttered as he headed back upstairs to the office.  
  
~~~~~~~

Routine returned to Jensen’s life quickly. He wrote, tried to sleep, and ate dinner with Jared. It was pleasant; they chatted and got to know each other a little better.  
  
There hadn’t been another kiss. But then, Jared _had_ said that things needed to go slow. It had only been days and Jensen needed to just keep his mind on other things, writing-related things.  
  
Like, the book signing he had to attend that afternoon. It was the first one he’d done for _Voices on the Wind_. Even though the book was being well-received by everyone, Jensen was always a little nervous when he headed out to do a reading. There was _always_ a possibility that someone wouldn’t like what he had written.  
  
He flipped through the t-shirts that were in his closet and chose one with a Pink Floyd album cover on it. He pulled it on and ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times. “Good enough.”  
  
“What?” Jared asked from the hallway.  
  
“Just talking to myself. I’m ready.”  
  
They were headed into the city to one of the last remaining privately owned bookstores. It wouldn't be too big and that was fine with Jensen. He always preferred the more intimate settings.  
  
“I pulled the car up to the door,” Jared called out.  
  
As he headed for the hall, Jensen grabbed his jacket and the copy of his book he’d marked for the reading. He almost ran head-first into Jared when he headed out into the hall.  
  
Jared laughed and turned to jog down the stairs. “I’ve loaded the extra books and some bottles of water for you. Let’s hit the road. You want me to drive?”  
  
  
Jogging down the stairs behind Jared, Jensen struggled into his jacket. He nearly dropped the book twice and then almost ran into Jared again at the bottom of the stairs. “Probably best if you do.”  
  
Nodding, Jared pressed a hand to the small of Jensen's back. “I’ve got all your favorite music on my iPhone. We’ll have a nice drive.”  
  
Despite how nervous he was, Jensen couldn't help smiling. Even his worst days weren’t all that bad now that Jared was around.  
  
“Let’s do it.”  
~~~~~~  
  
The drive was much more pleasant that Jensen had expected.  
  
Jared put the music on and followed the GPS and the trip was about as stress-free as a drive to the city could be. There were probably a lot of people who drove to the city all the time and had a pleasant experience; it just wasn’t Jensen’s reality.  
  
The drive was usually a stressful drive for Jensen, but he found being in the car with Jared at the wheel much better. Every now and then he managed to sneak glances at Jared, and he was nearly always smiling.  
  
Jensen managed to avoid breaking out into a cold sweat until right before he stepped behind the podium to read.  
  
There were _so_ many faces in the packed room. Jensen was on the verge of losing his nerve until he saw Jared smile from the back of the room. The warm, familiar smile, complete with dimples, gave Jensen a burst of confidence.  
  
As he opened his book to the chapter he had selected, Jensen took a deep breath and began to read. The words were familiar, like a pair of old gloves and Jensen slipped into the story. In a way, it was like revisiting his old nightmares but Jensen didn’t mind because they seemed further away once they were confined to paper.  
  
The reading went quickly and before he knew it, Jensen was signing book after book with Jared standing at his shoulder.  
  
True to his word, Jared was never very far away from Jensen. When it came to security, he was good at his job. Hell, since Jared had moved into the house, there hadn’t even been any more letters from the _stalker_. It was probably a coincidence but it was freeing for Jensen. He’d become accustomed to picking up the mail without the slightest concern. He’d become accustomed to a lot of things feeling safer with Jared around.  
  
When Jensen snapped the last book closed and slid it back to its owner, it was past eight. They had been at the bookstore for hours and Jensen was ready to head home. That _was_ until Jared suggested stopping for a coffee.  
  
At first, Jensen thought about saying he’d rather go home, but it would be nice to spend some time with Jared out in the real world.  
  
It was almost like a date. _Almost_ , except that he was still paying Jared a salary.  
  
Jared stopped at a place called Buzz which seemed an appropriate name for a coffee shop.  
  
Jensen trailed along behind Jared as they walked into the busy cafe.  
  
“Grab that booth back there,” Jared said. “I’ll get us coffees.”  
  
“Do you want to know what I want?” Jensen grinned.  
  
“I have an idea,” Jared said with a grin of his own. “Go on.”  
  
_Intriguing._  
  
It seemed that Jared paid more attention to him than Jensen had previously thought.  
  
The booth at the back was made from very old wood. The benches were so high-backed that it was like sitting in a private room and Jensen liked it. In fact, the whole place was nice. Most of the people in the cafe were having quiet conversations. There was a game of chess in one corner, a few scattered people using laptops or reading. It was a varied crowd. Jensen could see why Jared liked it. There were lots of people to watch.  
  
“Here you go.” Jared set a chocolate smelling coffee onto the table in front of Jensen and right next to it a huge piece of chocolate cake on a small, white plate.  
  
“I thought we could share the cake,” Jared said with a sheepish grin.  
  
Laughing felt good and Jensen could feel himself relaxing. “What’s my drink?”  
  
“A mocha, half sweet.” Looking very pleased with himself, Jared took a sip of his own coffee.  
  
“It’s good,” Jensen murmured after he tasted it.  
  
“I thought you’d like it.”  
  
Picking up his fork, Jared grinned and stabbed it into the chocolate cake. When he put it in his mouth he closed his eyes and moaned happily.  
  
The sound made the back of Jensen’s neck tingle. “You made that sound very tempting.”  
  
Without saying a word, Jared slid a fork towards Jensen.  
  
“I don’t work out like you,” Jensen grumbled. It wasn’t that he compared himself to Jared but he certainly wasn’t as interested in fitness as his friend.  
  
“Jensen, there isn’t a single thing wrong with the way you look. Eat the damn cake. Live a little.” Smiling, Jared stuffed a fork with a huge chunk of cake into his mouth.  
  
Trying not to grin too happily, Jensen picked up his fork and dug into the cake. Jared was right, it _was_ very good and it was more than worth the calories.  
  
“You have a sweet tooth, after all,” Jared said in between bites of cake.  
  
“I suppose,” Jensen answered. “When you live by yourself there doesn’t seem to be much point in ordering or making a cake.”  
  
“That’s why cafes and bakeries were created,” Jared answered immediately.  
  
“I don’t go out much.”  
  
“I _did_ notice that,” Jared said. “You came out with me, though.” Another forkful of cake disappeared into Jared’s mouth and he chewed slowly while keeping an eye on Jensen.  
  
It had become obvious to Jensen that his life was beginning to change. “Being around you is different.”  
  
“Different how?”  
  
Jensen was momentarily distracted by Jared licking icing off his bottom lip. “Well. I haven’t really had a lot of friends around since I moved out of the city.”  
  
At first, friends had come to visit Jensen but, with time, the visits had all but stopped. It had just become more awkward than anything else when some people came. The longer Jensen lived away from the everyday bustle of the city, the less he seemed to have in common with his old friends and the more stilted the conversation became.  
  
Looking thoughtful, Jared set his fork down and had a sip of coffee. “I think a lot of people try to fill up all their time with noise and craziness.”  
  
“I guess.”  
  
“That’s partly why I know how strong you are.” Jared picked up his fork again and smiled.  
  
“Strong?” It wasn’t that Jensen doubted it, but it wasn’t something he heard a lot. He knew he wasn’t a complete disaster. Leaving the city had been a tough choice even though he had wanted to. He’d taken his fair share of chances and gambles.  
  
“I feel like you are who you are,” Jared said. “Living alone can’t have always been the easy choice for someone with a mind like yours.”  
  
“It was tough, at first,” Jensen said. He figured he might as well tell the truth because Jared seemed to be pretty good at guessing things. “It’s been worth it, though. Being away from all the craziness in the city took away half my stress.”  
  
“I can believe that.” Jared chuckled and ate some more cake.  
  
“That traffic? The cranky people? Lineups and appointments.” Jensen pressed his lips together and shook his head. He couldn’t believe it took him so long to move away from it all.  
  
There was still a smile on Jared’s face and he picked up a napkin to wipe his mouth. “I like your house.”  
  
“That’s handy, considering your job.” If it weren’t for the reports Jared submitted, it would be easy for Jensen to forget that Jared worked for him. Honestly, Jensen wasn’t sure what Jared did all the time, but then, he didn’t really care.  
  
“Considering I work for you.”  
  
Jensen nodded. He didn’t like to think about it. He preferred to think of Jared as a roommate. It was sort of pathetic. “I guess now that you’ve got the house so secure…”  
  
Jared shrugged. “I’d have to say that I think your home is perfectly safe. If you’d like, I could move out, accompany you just for work commitments.”  
  
“I wouldn’t like that,” Jensen said quickly. He’d had the thought in the back of his mind for a while. Jared had made a lot of changes and most of the work was finished.  
  
“There are still some things I want to do. We can talk about it later.” Jared’s smile faded slightly.  
  
It could just be wishful thinking but Jensen thought Jared looked a little sad.  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen nodded as he tried to think of a way to change the subject. “What kinds of things would you like to do with your life? You know, if you didn’t do security.” It had seemed like an innocent enough question until Jensen had asked it. In a sense, it continued the conversation that he didn’t want to continue.  
  
Jared sat back slightly and folded the corners of his napkin into the center of the square. “I’d like to travel - without working at the same time. Have a home of my own? I’d like to have a relationship.”  
  
They seemed like pretty good goals to Jensen but then he could be biased. “You and I have both had unusual lives.”  
  
“Truth,” Jared said softly then he pushed the rest of the cake towards Jensen.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The rest of their conversation was a bit lighter. They talked about their favorite films, things they could suggest to Rob for the landscaping and Jared tried to pry some information out of Jensen about his newest book. Jensen’s lips were sealed even though he had already decided that he would let Jared be the first to read the draft.  
  
It was a good night. It was probably one of the best nights that Jensen had had in a very long time.  
  
Even the trip home was good. The red glow from the dashboard made the car feel close and comfortable. They listened to music and argued about which genres of music were the best. It was good. The time passed so quickly that Jensen found he was surprised when they pulled up at the house.  
  
Jensen was laughing as he climbed out of the car at the front door. “How can you not like Led Zeppelin?”  
  
“It’s just not my thing!” Jared exclaimed. He rested his arms on the roof of the car and smirked at Jensen. “How can _you_ not like Adele. She’s like, an international treasure.”  
  
“I will refrain from making any disparaging remarks about her because I’m a feminist and it would make me uncomfortable.” Jensen grinned.  
  
Jared laughed and stepped away from the car.  
  
Jensen froze a few steps away from the front door. There was a bouquet of roses wrapped in paper lying on the front mat. “Jared?”  
  
[](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/twoboys2love/66949000/26132/26132_original.png)“You gonna take back what you said about-” Jared stopped talking the instant he saw the flowers. He glanced around them quickly, then grabbed Jensen’s arm and led him over to the front wall of the house to press him back against it. “Stay _right_ here.”  
  
Jared went back to the flowers and took a knee. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and picked up a note that was tucked under a black ribbon. When he turned it over his expression darkened.  
  
“What does it say?” Jensen asked.  
  
Jared set the card back under the ribbon and pulled out his phone. “I’m going to get you safe inside, and then call the police.”  
  
“ _What_ does it say?” Heart pounding, Jensen leaned back against the wall.  
  
For a little while, Jared looked straight into Jensen’s eyes, then he picked up the note again and read it aloud. “ _I watched you with your boyfriend tonight. He’ll never care about you the way that I do. I’ll make sure of it. A friend._ ”  
  
“Wow,” Jensen said softly. “Clearly, my stalker hasn’t been paying attention ‘cause you’re not-”  
  
“It’s not funny, Jensen.”  
  
“I don’t think it’s funny,” Jensen said weakly. “Not at all.”  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The flashing lights on the police car lit up the living room for well over an hour. Jensen was starting to get anxious for them to leave.  
  
From where he stood inside he could see Jeff standing just next to Jared who was still speaking to one of the officers.  
  
Texting Jeff probably hadn’t been the greatest idea. Jeff had been angry and scared and raced out to the house immediately. It looked as though he’d been out on a date or something because he was wearing tight-fitting jeans and a button down black shirt. His bike must still be in pieces because his truck was in the driveway.  
  
Not that it mattered.  
  
When Jeff looked over at the house, he must have seen Jared through the window because he headed over to the front door.  
  
The door snicked shut and Jensen heard Jeff’s foot falls moments before he appeared at the living room door.  
  
“How are you doing, Jen?”  
  
“I’m okay. It’s just weird.” It had taken Jensen a while but he’d decided that the note wasn’t _that_ threatening. The writer hadn’t come right out and said what would happen. The worst part was wondering how the flowers had been put there.  
  
“This shouldn't be happening with Jared here. This is exactly why you hired him.” Jeff looked a little tired but he _also_ looked worried.  
  
“We were out, how was he supposed to do anything about what was going on here?” It felt strange to be defending Jared and Jensen was a little surprised Jeff was so full of blame.  
  
“Out where? What about the signing?” Brow furrowed, Jeff took a few steps closer and folded his arms across his chest.  
  
“C-Coffee. We, the reading went well. Great actually, and then we decided to stop for coffee.” The last thing Jensen wanted was for Jeff to think that he and Jared had been out on a date, even if that had been what he _hoped_.  
  
“So, this person was there? How the _hell_ does that happen when you have your own security?” Jeff’s expression darkened and he rubbed at his temples.  
  
“Nothing happened Jeff. We were fine.” It felt as though Jensen was on trial and he didn’t like it.  
  
“You can’t blame me for worrying. I knew I should have come along to the reading.” Jeff walked over to Jensen’s side and studied his face.  
  
“I’m fine,” Jensen reassured his friend. “Jared was _never_ away from me, not for a moment.” Just saying it made a warmth spread across Jensen’s chest. He rubbed at the center of it.  
  
“Well, it’s just escalated since he got here, hasn’t it,” Jeff said.  
  
Jensen heard the door again and when he looked out the window, the police car was pulling away. When Jared appeared in the doorway, he looked a little fatigued. “They’re gone.”  
  
“I see that,” Jeff grumbled.  
  
Ignoring Jeff, Jared hovered near the door as though he didn’t want to intrude. “You doing alright, Jensen?”  
  
“I could use a drink,” Jensen said. He’d ended up stuffing his hands in his pockets because he didn't want Jeff to see that they were shaking.  
  
“The usual?” Jared was already heading to the kitchen as Jensen nodded.  
  
Jeff’s frown deepened. “The usual? Really?”  
  
“Jeff. C’mon. We live together. We drink together sometimes. It’s not a problem.” It crossed Jensen’s mind that he shouldn't have to defend himself _or_ Jared, for that matter.  
  
“You don’t _live together_ , he works for you-”  
  
“- Jeff. _Jesus_. Do we need to do this now on top of everything else that happened?” The day had been great, the evening close to perfect until they had arrived back at the house. Defending himself to Jeff was the last thing he needed or wanted.  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence then Jeff’s shoulders lost some of their tension. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried. It feels like a step back. It was just letters before.”  
  
“I know.” Jensen headed over to the sofa and sat down. It wasn’t until his ass hit the cushion that he realized he’d been standing since he’d arrived home.  
  
“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,” Jeff said finally and in a much gentler tone.  
  
Jared strode into the room with a couple of drinks. He held one out to Jensen and smiled when he took it. “There’s no reason for Jensen to worry.”  
  
The tension in the room was palpable. Jensen looked from Jared to Jeff and then down at his drink again.  
  
“I’m heading back to the city,” Jeff said. “Text me if you need anything.” Without another word, Jeff headed outside.  
  
After the door slammed, Jensen looked up at Jared. “Well, that went well.”  
  
“He’s worried. And, well, I don’t know.” Jared shook his head and sat down on the sofa beside Jensen.  
  
“And?”  
  
“Hmm?” Jared drained his drink and set the glass down on the coffee table.  
  
“You didn’t finish.” Jensen leaned back slightly and kept an eye on Jared’s expression.  
  
“Well, to be honest, I think he’s used to being the person you rely on for everything. Now, he’s not.” Jared sank back into the sofa and sighed.  
  
“He’s not a jealous guy,” Jensen said. Jeff was one of the most laid back people Jensen had ever met.  
  
“I didn’t say he was jealous, but his place in your life is changing. That can make people uncomfortable.” Jared ran a hand through his hair quickly then dropped it back to his lap.  
  
“Fair enough.” It seemed like a reasonable enough explanation. And Jeff _was_ worried and that made sense. The flower delivery was a kick in the ass. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”  
  
“It makes no difference to me,” Jared said matter-of-factly. “I’ll still do my job. I didn’t take any offense.” Obviously, Jeff hadn’t kept his thoughts to himself while he’d been outside with Jared.  
  
Jensen shrugged and looked down at his drink again. “I don’t think you could have done anything to make the stalker disappear. You’re not a magician.”  
  
“I know.” Smiling slightly, Jared stretched his long legs out and crossed one ankle over the other.  
  
“This evening was nice. I enjoyed it,” Jensen said. “Well, the first part of the evening anyway.” He meant it and he hoped that Jared believed him.  
  
“It was good to spend time with you away from here.” Jared slid a finger down the crease that lingered on the front of his trouser leg. He seemed a little distracted.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” There always seemed to be something going on in Jared’s mind. Jensen got the impression that Jared never stopped going over things.  
  
“Just thinking about everything.” There were furrows in Jared’s brow when he looked at Jensen.  
  
“I’m tired.” Jensen set his glass down beside Jared’s and when he sat back he settled his hand over Jared’s.  
  
“It was a long day,” Jared said. He was still for a few seconds then he slid his hand out from under Jensen’s.  
  
Suddenly, Jensen found himself with his hand on Jared’s thigh and it felt awkward. “Sorry. Just an impulse.”  
  
“It’s fine,” Jared said a little too quickly, but it clearly wasn’t. “I’m going to lock up. Double check a few things.”  
  
Jensen nodded. He hadn’t asked for any details but Jensen assumed that Jared would be trying to figure out how the flowers had ended up on his doorstep.  
  
Jared cleared his throat. “I have to check the video files. There should be video on _one_ of the damned cameras.”  
  
“You put in quite a few,” Jensen answered. It felt like there were cameras everywhere but he knew there were gaps, Jared had said there were always blind spots.  
  
Pushing up off the sofa, Jared hesitated once he stood. “You alright?”  
  
Jensen had been a little rattled earlier but he was fine. He probably wouldn't sleep, but then there was always writing to be done. “I’ll write for a while. I’m good.”  
  
“Okay. Then I’ll get to it,” Jared said. He smiled and headed towards his room.  
  
“Night,” Jensen said softly but Jared didn’t answer. “One step forwards, two steps back.”  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Things went back to the _new_ normal around the house. Jensen immersed himself in his writing and Jared went about his daily routine. The new novel was, ironically, about a man who lived with the presence of a supernatural entity that was violent and abusive.  
  
Yes, even Jensen could see the novel reflected the strange events in his life. There was no hired security in the novel to protect the protagonist though so the outcome would be different.  
  
Jeff was off the radar for a few days, then he texted to say he would stop by to see Jensen. They needed to clear the air between them.  
  
The more Jensen thought about it, the more he thought that he could have been more understanding when it came to Jeff. Jared was probably correct; Jeff had been the one person Jensen had relied on for a very long time. As that changed, it would no doubt mean some odd feelings for Jeff.  
  
Jensen sat back from the laptop and sighed. He hadn’t seen Jared all day. There had been a pot of coffee made in the morning and some of the usual sounds of someone else in the house but that was it. Early in the afternoon he’d received a brief email saying that there was no video footage that was useful. It seemed curt and began Jensen worrying again.  
  
What had changed was beyond Jensen, but something had. It was possible that Jensen had misread things between Jared and himself. It wouldn’t have been the first time.  
  
The kitchen door slammed shut downstairs and Jensen stood. Jeff had said he would be there in the afternoon and the day always got away from Jensen when he was writing.  
  
Jogging down the stairs, Jensen peered out the window briefly. No sign of Jared by the pool. He wasn’t sure what Jared did while he was at the house - but - it didn’t matter. Having Jared at the house made him feel safer.  
  
As Jensen headed through the foyer, Jeff appeared from the kitchen. He stopped and smiled. “I brought you some coffee beans from a new place in the city. Was there the other night and it was great.”  
  
“Sounds like _you_ were on a date,” Jensen said fondly.  
  
“It _could_ have been.” Jeff smiled secretively and moved forward to hug Jensen. “I don’t kiss and tell.” Jeff murmured against Jensen’s ear.  
  
When Jensen pulled out of the embrace, he held Jeff at arm’s length. “Well, you look happy, that’s good.”  
  
“It’s nice to see you,” Jeff answered gruffly.  
  
“That’s not what I meant.”  
  
Jeff grinned. “I know.”  
  
“Jared’s probably got coffee on. Do you want some?”  
  
“No thanks, just stopped by to touch base.”  
  
Jensen gestured towards the living room.  
  
They sat in the chairs by the huge bay window; it was one of Jensen’s favorite spots. The sunlight was warm on his face as he looked out at the garden.  
  
“Rob’s been doing a wonderful job with the landscaping,” Jeff said.  
  
“You like it? Jared and I have been giving Rob some of our ideas. We walk through the garden at night sometimes.” When Jensen looked over at Jeff, he was a little taken aback to see the scowl on his friend’s face. “What?”  
  
Before he spoke, Jeff sighed. “Are things going okay here?”  
  
“What do you mean?” Jensen frowned and fixed his gaze on Jeff.  
  
“I’m worried about you and the way you talk about Jared.”  
  
“What do you _mean_?” More confused than anything, Jensen leaned forward a little.  
  
Jeff took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “You’re playing house here. You know that, right?”  
  
A cool sort of unpleasantness settled on Jensen like an ocean mist. “Jeff, what are you getting at?”  
  
“All this.” Jeff threw his hands up in frustration. “The eating together, putting the coffee on for you, planning the landscaping. Jared’s an employee, Jensen. I’m worried that you’ve forgotten that.”  
  
Jensen knew that Jeff had a point. The problem was that he was completely overstating it. “I’m not an idiot, Jeff. But, there’s no reason that I can’t appreciate Jared’s friendship. He’s here all the time and there’s no reason for us to behave as though each other don’t exist.”  
  
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Jeff snapped. He took another deep breath and closed his eyes for a few moments as though trying to collect his thoughts. “Listen, I’m worried about you getting hurt. You talk about Jared like he’s your partner, not someone who works for you. I can’t see this ending well for you.”  
  
Jensen wove his fingers together and clenched his hands tightly. “Jared’s not the kind of person who would do anything to hurt … anyone.”  
  
“I’m not saying _he_ is doing anything deliberately, but you, Jensen…” Jeff shook his head and averted his gaze.  
  
“What?” Jensen asked. “You might as well say it _now_.” It wasn’t like Jeff was pulling any punches. He seemed to have something that he wanted to get off his chest.  
  
“It’s you, Jensen. You’re just blowing your friendship with him out of proportion in your head. He’s being nice to you because you pay him to, not for any other reason.”  
  
That certainly cut to the quick. Jensen felt the sting of his friend’s words like a slap to the face. “You should leave, Jeff.”  
  
“Oh, come on,” Jeff said. When he looked back at Jensen, his expression was a little softer. “We’ve argued about things before.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen said. “But you were never mean to me before.”  
  
“I’m not being mean; I’m being honest and I’m not leaving. I’m sorry for being so blunt with you, Jensen, but I’ve always told you the truth. I’m not going to stop now because you don’t like it.”  
  
Jensen stood and tried to hide the fact that his legs felt a little shaky. “Right now, I need you to leave, Jeff. I - I have some things that I need to think about.”  
  
“ _Jesus_ , Jensen. This is ridiculous.” Jeff stood and squared off in front of Jensen. “You know that I’m right. This is going to be a mess for you.”  
  
“Please leave,” Jensen said firmly. He’d never seen Jeff lose his cool over anything before. He was normally calm and level-headed. But, something about the situation with Jared really got under Jeff’s collar.  
  
“No, I -”  
  
“I have to agree with, Jensen,” Jared interrupted. “I think it’s time for you to leave, Jeff.”  
  
When Jensen looked behind him, he saw Jared standing just inside the living room door.  
  
“Really?” Jeff looked incredulous. “If I don’t go, what are you going to do? Throw me out?”  
  
Jared took a few steps closer to Jeff. “It’s time for you to go, Jeff. You need to chill out and leave Jensen alone for now.”  
  
For a while, Jeff stood his ground with his hands on his hips as he stared at Jared. When he finally looked over at Jensen, he smiled slightly. “I’m sorry, Jensen.”  
  
Jared took another step forward and moved to the side. Jeff nodded once and headed towards the door.  
  
Jensen heard Jeff’s footsteps then the front door opened and closed.  
  
As soon as the door clicked shut, Jared headed over to the window and looked out.  
  
Eventually, Jensen heard Jeff’s truck start, and speed down the driveway.  
  
Jared pulled out his phone and tapped the screen a few times before putting it away again.  
  
Jensen sank back down onto the sofa and groaned. “How long were you standing there?”  
  
“Long enough.” Jared sighed and paced over to one of the chairs to sit down.  
  
“I don’t think that,” Jensen said. “For the record. I _know_ that there’s nothing going on between you and I. I’m not a complete idiot.” Although, he was starting to feel like one. It didn’t seem like he knew what to say to anyone.  
  
“I know, Jensen. I wasn’t worried that you thought that.” Jared reached up and loosened his tie, then undid the top button.  
  
“I’m sure he’ll get over it quickly,” Jensen said.  
  
Jared nodded. For a moment, he looked like he was going to say something but then shook his head.  
  
Jensen tilted his head slightly. “What?”  
  
“Nothing,” Jared answered quickly. “You’ll be able to work things out with Jeff?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen answered quietly. “We’ll be fine. We’ve. We’ve had disagreements before. He’s probably already thinking about how to text me.”  
  
Jared just stared at Jensen for a very long time, then he nodded. “Okay, I’m going to walk the fences.”  
  
Nodding, Jensen watched as Jared stood then headed out of the room.  
  
Next time Jared went into the city; Jensen would have to ask him to pick up some really good whiskey. He had a feeling he would be drinking a lot of it.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Things settled, as they always did. Jeff texted to apologize and Jensen texted back that there was nothing to worry about. Jared went back to working at night and hanging around the house during the day. They ate dinner together. They even had a drink together sometimes.  
  
All in all, things weren’t too bad. Jensen was up to his eyes in his novel and found he was enjoying the process. Things had changed a little in his world as limited as it was.  
  
The sounds of Jared moving about the house made Jensen feel a little more settled when he wrote. Maybe it was the way it pulled him back from the precipice of disappearing into the world he was writing about. It had been a lot more difficult in the past to peel himself away from the nightmares he wove with his words.  
  
Jensen had written thousands of words when he finally turned away from the laptop every day. It was good progress. His other novels hadn’t progressed so quickly.  
  
If Jensen spent a lot of time watching Jared through the window, who could blame him? he may have even slipped a character into his new novel that was based on Jared. Why not? He was an interesting guy.  
  
He was.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
“You want us to just ask each other questions?” The look on Jared’s face was amusing. He actually looked as though the idea of having to tell the truth might scare him.  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen said easily. “One of us asks a question. The other one doesn’t want to answer it, they drink a shot. If the question is answered, it’s the other person’s turn to ask.”  
  
“It sounds like something people would play in high school,” Jared said grumpily.  
  
“ _That_ might actually be the last time I played it.” Chuckling, Jensen reached out and picked up one of the shot glasses he’d set on the patio table and set it down in front of him.  
  
“Really? You want to play a drinking game?” Jared leaned his forearms on the patio table and stared at the remaining shot glass.  
  
“Yes, Jared. I do.” It wasn’t about the drinking as far as Jensen was concerned. It was about the things he didn’t know about Jared. Even though they spent a lot of time under the same roof, Jensen hardly knew Jared. “Well?”  
  
Finally, Jared smiled and picked up the shot glass and set in right in front of himself.  
  
“You can go first,” Jensen said. Why not? He knew that there wasn’t much that he wouldn't be willing to tell Jared.  
  
Nodding, Jared picked up the bottle of twenty-five-year-old Scotch that Jensen had asked him to pick up and he poured them each a shot.  
  
“Let’s see,” Jared murmured.  
  
“I’m ready.” Shifting his ass around in the chair, Jensen got more comfortable.  
  
“Okay. What are you most afraid of?” Jared asked.  
  
“Easy. Dying alone.” Jensen answered quickly. He’d thought about _that_ question a lot. He wrote about horror and fear so he was always aware of what he was afraid of.  
  
“Really?” Jared seemed surprised for some reason.  
  
“Well, yeah. Isn’t that something a lot of people worry about?”  
  
“I guess, Honestly, I’ve never really thought about it. I think I assumed I wouldn't _be_ alone when I died.”  
  
Jensen leaned closer. “That doesn’t count as the answer to a question; by the way.  
  
It was Jared’s turn to laugh. “Fair.”  
  
“My turn.” Jensen stared down at the shot glass while he thought about what he should ask. It wasn’t that he had a shortage of questions, it was more a case of not wanting to scare Jared off with the first few questions. “Okay. What’s your biggest accomplishment so far?”  
  
Jared fingered the shot glass for a few moments and looked thoughtful. “I used to say it was becoming a cop.”  
  
“Not now?” Jensen frowned. It seemed like that _should_ be something to be proud of.  
  
All Jared did at first was shake his head. “Getting through the Academy. That was a hell of an accomplishment.”  
  
Jensen nodded. That was enough of an answer for him. “Your turn.”  
  
“Why aren’t you with Jeff?” As soon as the question was out, Jared averted his gaze.  
  
“Ah.” Going right for the jugular. “He’s … not my type.”  
  
“What’s your type?”  
  
“That’s another question,” Jensen smirked.  
  
“Fine, your turn.” Jared rolled his eyes.  
  
“Let’s see. Are you gay?” It was a bit of a risk but Jensen decided to throw caution to the wind.  
  
Jared closed his eyes for a moment. “No.”  
  
That was _not_ what Jensen expected. He’d read people wrong before but generally not men that he kissed. “I am _so_ sorry.”  
  
“For what?” Jared frowned when he looked across at Jensen.  
  
“Clearly, I was in the wrong. It won’t happen again.” Jensen said as he stood.  
  
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What just happened?” Jared reached out for Jensen’s hand then withdrew at the last moment.  
  
Standing there beside the table, Jensen just felt like a total idiot. He wasn’t even sure why he had stopped when Jared told him to. “I shouldn’t have assumed you were gay. I apologize for the kiss.”  
  
“Okay. I see where you’re going,” Jared said as a smile appeared on his face.  
  
“It’s not funny.” Jensen sank back down into his chair. In retrospect, the game didn’t seem like a very good idea.  
  
“I didn’t say it was,” Jared answered quickly. “I’m confused. Whose turn is it?”  
  
Frustrated as he was with himself, Jensen pointed at Jared.  
  
“Oh good.” Jared shifted a little closer to the table. “So, I get to ask another question?” Jared was still smiling.  
  
“I suppose.”  
  
“You giving up?”  
  
“No. Ask your damn question.” It was hard to stay grumpy with Jared and his stupid crooked grin staring him down. Hard, but not completely impossible.  
  
“Why didn’t you kiss me a second time?” Jared looked down at his shot glass.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Jensen rested his elbows on the table. “Seriously?”  
  
All Jared did, was nod with that unreadable smile on his face.  
  
“Because, I did once. You could have reciprocated if you were interested. And, you’re not gay.”  
  
“I did say that. But, I didn’t say that I didn’t like the kiss.”  
  
“You … didn’t,” Jensen agreed hesitantly. He had no idea what message he was supposed to get from Jared but it was certainly confusing.  
  
“It’s your turn to ask a question,” Jared said quietly.  
  
_Fine._ “Was it a bad thing that I kissed you?” Jensen decided that, mentally, he really was a 13-year-old girl.  
  
“Not at all,” Jared said quickly.  
  
“So you’re bi?”  
  
“That’s an extra question.”  
  
“Fine.” Jensen folded his arms across his chest and couldn’t help frowning. It seemed that Jared was better at the game than Jensen was.  
  
Jared took a deep breath and blew his hair out of his eyes. “How long do you think that you will write?”  
  
At least Jared’s question put them back into safer territory. “I’ll write as long as the stories keep coming. I mean, I don’t think that anyone can know how long they’ll be able to keep going. Creativity can be fickle.”  
  
“I don’t really do anything creative,” Jared said. “Well, I cook, I think that can be creative. Sometimes, I just throw things together and see what I get.”  
  
“Sounds creative to me. As you’re already aware, I can’t cook worth a damn.” Jensen shrugged a shoulder.  
  
“Your turn.”  
  
Jensen thought for a few moments. “Okay. How long do you plan to work here?”  
  
Jared raised his eyebrows. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I like it here.“ Jared paused but he didn’t seem finished for some reason.  
  
Jensen smiled and frowned slightly. “That your whole answer?”  
  
Looking down at the patio table, Jared traced the edge of the glass with his fingertip. “There’s a bit more.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I like spending time with you too,” Jared said without looking up from the table.  
  
Something made Jensen shiver and he rubbed his arms to make it look like he was cold. It was the first time Jensen had really had an indication that Jared liked him. It was certainly the first time Jared had given Jensen the slightest clue that he might be interested. It was certainly the first time since the kiss.  
  
“Your question,” Jensen said quietly. He wasn’t convinced he wanted to continue. He liked the slow burn he could feel in his chest.  
  
Jared fingered the shot glass in front of him. His hair had fallen forward again and it was difficult to see his eyes. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”  
  
“Wow.” In Jensen’s head, it was easier to limit things to the next few moments. “I don’t put a lot of thought into the future. It’s a scary place.”  
  
“You must have some ideas.” When Jared looked up he seemed puzzled.  
  
Maybe it was a good thing to think about further ahead than tomorrow. “Maybe, with someone. Travelling. I’d like to do something exciting.”  
  
“Hurry and ask me one before I forget what I wanted to ask when you said that.” Grinning, Jared leaned a little closer.  
  
“Favorite country you’ve been to?” Jared’s grin was contagious and Jensen couldn’t help smiling.  
  
“France. Where’s the first place you want to travel to?”  
  
“The Eiger,” Jensen said quickly. There had been a documentary about it late one night about the first men to climb the north face of the Eiger and Jensen had been fascinated.  
  
“To climb it?” Jared blurted out.  
  
“I’m curious, not insane.” Jensen couldn’t help laughing. He might be a lot of things but he wasn’t an adrenaline junkie. “And you got _two_ questions.”  
  
“When you were a cop, did you ever shoot anyone?” It was always something Jensen wondered when he saw police officers.  
  
After drawing in a really deep breath, Jared leaned back in his chair. He shook his head slowly. “No, I didn’t ever shoot anyone.”  
  
The question had definitely changed Jared’s mood and Jensen felt a little bad. It wasn’t like he had intended to make Jared feel bad. “Your turn.”  
  
Jared looked up slowly and moved his hair away from his eyes. “You like men with long hair or short?”  
  
This time Jensen stared straight into Jared’s eyes as he answered. “Long. It’s a recent development.”  
  
The smile on Jared’s lips was subtle but … hot as hell. The heat of a blush burned its way onto Jensen’s cheeks. It took him a few moments to clear his thoughts. “Okay. So, how’d I end up lucky enough to have you here? Why’d you leave the police?”  
  
That beautiful smile completely disappeared. Jared tightened his grip on the shot glass and lifted it to his lips then downed it. “I think I’m going to turn in early tonight.”  
  
Another bad choice of questions apparently. “Jared, I didn’t mean any offense. I’m -”  
  
“It’s okay, Jensen. Really.” When Jared pushed his chair back, he stood slowly. “You coming inside?”  
  
Jensen nodded then downed his shot. He’d clean up in the morning. His back ached when he stood; too much time hunched over the computer. And, he was feeling more than a little guilty about the way things had ended so abruptly.  
  
He closed his eyes for a few moments then felt Jared’s hands on his shoulders.  
  
“You okay?”  
  
Jensen nodded. “I’m sorry.”  
  
Jared slid his hands down Jensen’s shoulders and then wrapped his arms around Jensen. He was pressed up against Jensen’s back and rested his chin on Jensen’s shoulder. “It’s alright, I promise.”  
  
All Jensen could do was focus on the warmth and strength of Jared’s embrace. It was the best thing Jensen had felt in a _very_ long time. He leaned back into it slightly and felt Jared take some of his weight. Jensen wanted to stay there all night.  
  
“Come on,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s ear. “Inside.”  
  
Later, lying alone in his bed, Jensen couldn’t help wondering if Jared was still awake too.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
There was a full moon and it was _so_ bright that Jensen could see the path ahead of them. He and Jared were on their usual post-dinner walk. Jensen found that he looked forward to it during the day; like a reward for writing all the darkness down.  
  
Sometimes, they talked about Jensen’s novel. Often Jared would go over changes he had made around the house. Every now and then, they walked around the garden in a comfortable silence. There weren’t a lot of people in Jensen’s life he felt comfortable around. It was a very small club.  
  
“If your character wakes up in time, will he survive?” Jared asked.  
  
The crunching of their footsteps was the only sound in the garden. The night was cool and peaceful.  
  
“You know, I can’t tell you the end. Then you won’t want to read it next month. It’s almost finished and I’d like you to read it first.” It had been on Jensen’s mind for a while but it was a spur of the moment kind of thing.  
  
“What?” Jared turned to face Jensen as he kept walking.  
  
“If you want to. I’ll give you the first draft.” The smile on Jared’s face was pretty awesome.  
  
“Yeah. I’d _really_ like that,” Jared said.  
  
“Of course, you’ll be expected to give me some real feedback. No blowing smoke up my ass.”  
  
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Jared said through his smirk.  
  
“Then it’s settled. As soon as it’s in a readable state, I’ll pass it on.”  
  
“I’m looking forward to it. The things you’ve told me about it already have made me very curious.” Jared stretched his arms up above his head for a few moments.  
  
“Sore?” Jensen was getting used to Jared being stiff from his workouts.  
  
“It was arm day. Probably overdid it a little bit.”  
  
“Do you ever take it easy?” It had crossed Jensen’s mind more than once that Jared could probably use a vacation.  
  
Jared laughed. “I like working out. It feels good.”  
  
And it makes you look damn good, Jensen didn’t say out loud. What he decided to say was completely different. “You can take a night off, you know?”  
  
“Yeah?” Jared slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.  
  
“Of course, as it is you’re here most of the time. You must have friends in the city.”  
  
“A few,” Jared answered.  
  
“You could go on a date,” Jensen teased.  
  
“I could, I suppose.”  
  
_Not_ the answer that Jensen had hoped to provoke. But, Jeff always said Jensen shouldn't ask questions he didn’t know the answer to.  
  
“Anyway, anytime you want a night off. Why don’t you take this Friday night off?”  
  
“You’d be okay out here by yourself?” Jared’s brow was furrowed. He looked a little worried.  
  
“Of course I will. I was out here all the time by myself before you moved in.” Of course, things felt a lot different once Jared had moved in.  
  
“You could have Jeff over,” Jared suggested.  
  
“You trying to set the two of us up?” Jensen sighed and looked down at his sneakers.  
  
“No, I just thought he’d be company. You haven’t been alone out here for a really long time.”  
  
“I - no. I’m not interested in Jeff and I don’t want to give him the wrong idea.” It was fine if Jared wasn’t going to pursue anything with Jensen - there didn’t need to be an excuse.  
  
Jared’s fingers curled around Jensen’s wrist and he was pulled to a stop. “Jensen, that’s _not_ what I meant.”  
  
Jensen’s gaze trailed up Jared’s arm to his dark eyes. “It’s okay.”  
  
“I didn’t mean you should be involved with him, Jensen. In fact, I’d rather you weren’t.” There was something honest and genuine in Jared’s gaze.  
  
There were so many mixed messages from Jared. Well, that’s what Jensen thought but he was open to the fact that he could be completely wrong. “Okay.”  
  
For a while, they stood there looking at each other. With his free hand, Jared reached up and cupped Jensen’s cheek. His thumb moved along Jensen’s cheekbone then he started walking again and the moment was gone.  
  
Life was strange.  
  
As they headed back to the house, the two men were silent again. Jensen couldn’t stop trying to make sense of everything that Jared said and did. It was like a knot he couldn’t stop picking at.  
  
When he finally pulled the door open, Jared cleared his throat. “I guess I will take Friday off. There’s something I’d like to do. I need to see someone.”  
  
“Of course,” Jensen said. Another piece of an unending puzzle. _Someone_ to see.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Jared was gone by five on Friday night and the house was oddly silent. Jared had been right. It had been a very long time since Jensen had been alone in his own home.  
  
Determined to enjoy himself, Jensen got a great bottle of wine from the walk-in cooler, put his favorite Radiohead album on and pulled a bag of brownies out of the cupboard. He set up a little coffee table picnic for himself.  
  
The wine was a nice, dry red and it was perfect with the dark chocolate brownies.  
  
Jared got his joy from working out but Jensen was more of a guilty pleasure kind of man. Chocolate of _any_ kind was always a standby for Jensen and he wasn’t ashamed of it.  
  
He took a sip of his wine and set the glass down on the coffee table. The song came to an end and in the quiet Jensen heard something in the kitchen.  
  
“Jared, if you’re back already, I’m gonna kick your ass-”  
  
“Shut up!” an unfamiliar voice said from the doorway.  
  
Springing to his feet, Jensen knocked the wine glass over. It shattered on the coffee table and when Jensen looked up there was a man with a mask in the doorway. The truly disturbing thing was the handgun the man was holding.  
  
“Who the _fuck_ are you?” Jensen yelled.  
  
“I _said_ , shut up.” The man strode over to the window and closed the blinds before turning to point the gun at Jensen.  
  
Without even thinking about it, Jensen raised his hands. “What do you want?”  
  
“What I’m going to _get_ , is whatever I want. You follow me?”  
  
“Y-yes.” Jensen felt like his feet were rooted to the floor. _Jesus_. How did anyone get into the house? Jensen was sure he had locked the back door when Jared left. Even if he hadn’t, there were so many security checks and balances in place. No one should be able to get in.  
  
“Please,” Jensen said as calmly as he could manage. “My wallet is in the drawer by the lamp. Take whatever you want.”  
  
The man closed the distance between them and the muzzle of the gun jammed against Jensen’s chest.  
  
He sucked in a breath and stumbled back a step. “Don’t -”  
  
The man’s fist slammed into Jensen’s jaw and, for a few moments, the room spun around him and he could only hear a buzzing sound.  
  
It wasn’t how Jensen had envisioned his life ending. A guy breaking into his house - the one with the live-in ex-cop - and shooting him after beating the shit out of him.  
  
“You stay down,” the man growled.  
  
What felt like a booted foot slammed into Jensen’s stomach and all the air flew out of his lungs.  
Pain sliced through his stomach and he curled up on his side. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and when he finally managed to suck in a breath it was more of a wheeze than anything else. Jensen was pretty sure that he’d never felt so much pain before in his life.  
  
“Please,” Jensen whispered.  
  
“ _Shut up_ ,” the man growled. He knelt down by Jensen’s knees and the muzzle of a gun pressed, cold and hard against Jensen’s temple.  
  
Fear raced through Jensen’s body and he froze. The pain throbbed in his stomach and he could taste blood.  
  
The man stood and Jensen heard him walk a few steps away before pausing.  
  
There was _no_ way Jensen was going to move again. He wasn’t even sure that he _could_ move if he wanted to.  
  
Something hit the floor and smashed. The Jensen heard the drawers in one of his cabinets open. He didn’t care what the asshole took as long as he just left.  
  
Some more things were dropped on the floor and then Jensen heard a click.  
  
“Move and I”ll shoot you,” a familiar voice ordered. _Jared_.  
  
All Jensen could hear was footsteps, then some shuffling and a thump.  
  
“Jensen? You okay?”  
  
The first time Jensen tried to answer, he coughed. the second time he could barely speak. “Not really.”  
  
“Hang on,” Jared said from across the room. There were some more footsteps and a clanking sound.  
  
“What are you? A cop?” the intruder asked.  
  
“Shut up,” Jared barked. His footsteps were quick as he crossed the room and then he was at Jensen’s side.  
  
“What happened?” Jared’s hand smoothed over Jensen’s hair then down his shoulder and arm.  
  
“Punched me in the jaw. Kicked me.” The throbbing in Jensen’s gut had receded slightly.  
  
“Can you sit up?”  
  
“He’s got a gun, Jared. He -”  
  
Jared’s hand slipped under Jensen’s head. “It’s okay. I’ve got it. I handcuffed him to that huge wooden chair.”  
  
“You hate that chair,” Jensen muttered.  
  
“Not anymore. Now, can I sit you up?”  
  
“Maybe?” Jensen wasn’t sure _how_ he felt  
  
Jared slid an arm under Jensen to help him sit up. “Slowly.”  
  
“Wait,” Jensen said hoarsely. “You have a gun?”  
  
“I have two now.” Smiling slightly, Jared propped Jensen up and helped him to lean back against the sofa.  
  
When their eyes met, Jared frowned. His fingers moved gently along both sides of Jensen’s jaw. “Doesn’t feel broken.”  
  
“Easy for you to say,” Jensen grumbled.  
  
“I was only suppose to scare him, not break anything,” the intruder called out. “I didn’t hit him that hard.”  
  
“Shut up,” Jensen said and set himself off coughing again. The pain started throbbing in his stomach once more and he regretted sitting up.  
  
“ _What_ did you just say?” Jared stood and stepped over Jensen to head back to the man cuffed to the chair.  
  
“Jared, be careful.” Jensen rolled onto his side so he could haul himself up onto the sofa.  
  
He watched as Jared yanked the mask off the man’s head. “Did someone send you here?’  
  
The man looked quite young. He had dark hair and a round face but he also looked quite muscular and that made Jensen feel a little better about being beaten down.  
  
“ _Who_ sent you?” Jared had a fist full of the guy’s t-shirt and was almost yanking him off the chair.  
  
“I - I don't know. Some guy paid me five hundred bucks to come here and scare that guy. Said not to hurt him too badly.” There was a strange look on the young man’s face.  
  
Jensen felt like things were getting out of hand. “We need to let the police deal with this.”  
  
“They’re on their way,” Jared said sharply. He didn’t even look at Jensen, his gaze was still on the man in front of him. “You’re an idiot. _Who_ sent you?”  
  
The man’s expression hardened. “I’m gonna be arrested. Why should I tell you anything?”  
  
“I’m pretty pissed off at you right now,” Jared answered. “You may not want to test me.”  
  
Jensen couldn’t see the expression on Jared’s face but he could imagine it. “Jared…”  
  
“Listen, you asshole. I used to be a cop. You probably want me to tell them when they arrive that you cooperated. _Believe_ me, things will turn out better for you that way.”  
  
There was silence for a while and Jensen though he could hear sirens in the distance. He could be imagining it though because his jaw was throbbing and he was beginning to wonder if Jared was going to kill the guy. “When did everything get so fucked up?”  
  
Jared glanced over at Jensen and frowned before turning back to the man in front of him. “Talk. Last chance.”  
  
The man was thumped back against the chair when Jared let go of him. “I don’t even know the guy! He - I know another guy and he put this dude in touch with me.”  
  
“You better tell me more than that or you’ll be going to jail for a _very_ long time.”  
  
“Jared, please. All the yelling was giving Jensen a headache and the only thing he wanted was for the night to be over.  
  
“He showed up on a Harley. Leather jacket. Told me what to do and how to cut the power to the alarm.” The man’s voice was trembling.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes so he didn’t have to see what Jared was doing to scare the guy.  
  
“More,” Jared growled.  
  
“B-black hair, salt and pepper beard. _Fuck_. What d’you want from me? I saw him once in a dark alley. He paid me and-”  
  
The buzzer for the front gate rang and Jensen opened his eyes. “Jared, let them in.”  
  
“Great,” the guy said. “I’m not saying anything else until I call my lawyer.”  
  
“You’ve told me what I need to know,” Jared spat as he strode out into the foyer.  
  
~~~~~~~

 

It felt to Jensen that the police were at his house for hours. He was poked and prodded by EMTs until he finally told them that there was no way in hell he was going to the hospital.  
  
He was questioned and second guessed and kept away from Jared so their stories would remain untainted. Jared was no closer than the foyer from the moment the police arrived. The last time Jensen caught a of glimpse of him he was headed into the kitchen for a while, probably answering his own set of questions about what happened.  
  
It was nerve-wracking and exhausting. By the time he heard Jeff’s voice in the kitchen, Jensen had no idea what time it was. There were some raised voices and then something banged. After that, the voices lowered and Jensen sighed in relief.  
  
Jeff finally appeared in the foyer and started ushering the police out in that authoritative way he had about him. It always seemed to work.  
  
Without a glance at Jeff, Jared strode across the foyer and cleared the remaining officers out of the living room. He pushed the door closed and walked straight over to where Jensen was sitting on the sofa.  
  
Jared sat on the arm of the sofa and slid his hand over Jensen’s shoulder. “We need to talk.”  
  
“I’ve done enough talking tonight to last me a lifetime. Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”  
  
“No.” Jared shook his head and moved his hand to the back of Jensen’s neck. “Listen to me. The man that kid described, doesn’t that sound like _Jeff_ to you?”  
  
That was about the last thing Jensen had expected to come out of Jared’s mouth. “What?”  
  
“The Harley? The leather jacket? That physical description?”  
  
“Jared. No. There's - no. How many Harleys are there in the city? And, and everyone who rides one wears leather-”  
  
“- and looks exactly like Jeff? Come on, Jensen, _think_ about it for a minute. Haven't you ever wondered about him?” Jared’s eyes were fiercely determined.  
  
The door swung open again and Jeff strode into the room. “What the _hell_ are you telling Jensen?”  
  
On his feet instantly, Jared rounded on Jeff. “You _heard_ me in the kitchen, Jeff. I think _you_ had this kid sent here to scare Jensen.”  
  
“Stop it,” Jensen said. When he stood he found himself held back by Jared’s arm.  
“I can’t believe you’re listening to this shit, Jensen.” Anger burned in Jeff’s eyes and he squared his shoulders.  
  
“I’m not - I don’t even know what’s going on,” Jensen said weakly. It was the truth. He’d never been more confused about anything before in his life.  
  
Jared moved Jensen behind him. “Jeff, you had something to do with this. That kid was an idiot, but he was scared and he described you perfectly.” Jared stabbed his finger straight at Jeff.  
  
Looking wide-eyed in disbelief, Jeff shook his head. “Why the _hell_ would I do something like that?”  
  
“Because you want more from Jensen and you can’t get it,” Jared yelled.  
  
“Whoa, whoa,” Jensen said. “Both of you.” Everything was going to hell in a big fucking handbasket.  
  
Jeff peered past Jared until he could meet Jensen’s gaze directly. “Jensen, you know that’s behind us. I did have feelings for you, yes. But you and I have been friends now for a _very_ long time.”  
  
Jared took a step closer to Jeff. “Is that why you threatened me by the pool that day? Telling me to be sure that I knew my place?”  
  
“What?” Jensen shoved Jared’s arm out of the way as he walked towards Jeff.  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jeff spat. He shrugged and frowned. “Jensen, this guy is just making shit up now.”  
  
Jared grabbed Jensen’s hand and held onto him protectively. “Jeff, you _threatened_ me because you were jealous. You thought I was getting in between you and Jensen.”  
  
“You know, Jared. I gave you a chance giving you this job and you’re really making me regret it,” Jeff said with a cold smile on his face.  
  
Jensen _had_ seen Jeff speak to Jared by the pool; he remembered it clearly. He could also remember how pissed off Jared had looked when Jeff had left that day. But, it was a big reach to imagine Jeff being responsible for having Jensen hurt. A _big_ reach.  
  
“Jeff?” Jensen waited until his friend was looking at him. “Did you threaten Jared?”  
  
“I cannot believe that you’re buying what this asshole is selling,” Jeff said coldly. “Has Jared told you why he left the force?”  
  
All Jensen could do was look over at Jared and shake his head.  
  
“He was _shitty_ at his job. He let his partner get shot right in front of him,” Jeff said as he sneered at Jared.  
  
“You son of a-” Jared pulled back and aimed a punch at Jeff but Jensen stepped in front of him and hoped that Jared could stop. Fortunately, Jared’s reflexes were quick.  
  
“No.” Jensen stood between the two men.  
  
“Jensen, he’s lying, twisting the truth,” Jared said in a quieter voice.  
  
“No, I’m not. I did my research, Jensen. He _let_ his partner get shot.”  
  
“Jensen.” Jared waited until Jensen turned to face him. “I was a rookie. My partner insisted we go into a house before our back-up arrived. It was a gang house and there was _one_ kid there. He pulled a gun on my partner; but, Jensen, he was twelve years old. I couldn’t shoot him.”  
  
“You _let_ your partner get shot and he nearly died. _That’s_ on you, Jared.” Jeff looked very pleased with himself.  
  
“No, Jeff. I wouldn’t shoot a kid. I didn’t know that would be part of my job.” Jared turned his attention back to Jensen. “Jensen, I wasn’t prepared to shoot a kid. There were other ways I could have dealt with it but I was too green to even know that.”  
  
“You didn’t do your job and your partner paid for it,” Jeff added.  
  
“He did,” Jared said calmly. “But, I couldn’t live with shooting a _child_.”  
  
There were tears welling in Jared’s eyes when Jensen met his gaze. He believed what Jared was saying, that he was speaking the truth was _clear_ on his face. “Jared. It’s okay. I believe you.”  
  
“Oh, _that’s_ rich, Jensen,” Jeff said wryly. “Do you seriously want him to fuck you that badly?”  
  
Hurt cut through Jensen and he sucked in a quick breath.  
  
“ _You_ are way out of line,” Jared said firmly.  
  
“Why? Because I’m telling the truth? I see the way Jensen trails around after you. And you’re just leading him on.”  
  
Jensen was far too stunned to say anything. He couldn’t even believe what he was hearing his _friend_ say, angry or not.  
  
“I think you should get out of here, Jeff,” Jared said.  
  
“Why? Because I’m the only one willing to see what’s going on here, Jensen? He’s just using how you’re feeling to keep a job that doesn’t even need to be done anymore. You _know_ that. It would be better if I was living here.” Jeff took a couple of steps closer to Jensen and his expression softened.  
  
“Jensen, you know how much I care about you -”  
  
“ - So much that you hired someone to beat the shit out of him,” Jared said flatly.  
  
“He wasn’t supposed to hurt Jensen!” Jeff yelled and then his face blanched.  
  
“You _did_ do it,” Jensen said softly. He was shocked at what he was hearing because it was crazier than some of his novel plots.  
  
“Jensen,” Jeff said quietly. “Listen to me. I just wanted you to see that Jared isn’t working out here. I’m the one who should be here to take care of you.” Jeff reached out his hand slowly.  
  
Jared stepped back in front of Jensen quickly. “Don’t go near him,” he said angrily.  
  
For some reason, Jensen was suddenly exhausted. He couldn’t take another surprise from anyone. “Get out, Jeff.”  
  
“Jensen, don’t do this. Jared is getting you all worked up for no reason. He doesn’t want me to -”  
  
“Go!” Jensen said loudly.  
  
The expression on Jeff’s face darkened and, for the first time since they’d met, Jensen was a little afraid of what Jeff might do. “Now!”  
  
Jared tilted his head slightly, giving a silent warning and widened his stance.  
  
The two men stared at each other for a long time and just about the moment Jensen felt like he was going to throw something or punch someone, Jeff turned and headed out of the house.  
  
When the front door slammed shut, Jensen jumped. “ _Jesus_ Christ.”  
  
What the fuck had he done to end up where he was? He must have done something really shitty in a former life. Or this was just some kind of nightmare becoming a reality.  
  
“I think we should call the police back,” Jared said.  
  
“No,” Jensen said. “I can’t. I can’t take anything else tonight. I don’t even. I feel like everything is all fucked up.”  
  
The next thing Jensen knew he was wrapped up in Jared’s arms. At first, Jensen’s instinct was to pull away but then the warmth and strength of Jared’s embrace melted his resolved. “What the fuck is happening? Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“Tell you what?” Jared’s lips were soft against Jensen’s temple.  
  
“That Jeff threatened you.” Even though Jensen believed it, he still found it hard to reconcile the threat with the Jeff he knew.  
  
“You and I hardly knew each other,” Jared said softly. “I knew you two were good friends and I thought - Hell, I don’t know what I thought.”  
  
Jensen sighed and breathed in the scent of Jared’s hair. It smelled good, clean and fresh. “Wait, why did you come back so early?”  
  
Jared finally let go of Jensen and stepped back slightly so he could see Jensen’s face. His fingers lingered on Jensen’s arms for a few moments then they fell away. “I … I had planned to come back early. I went into the city to get some cupcakes. I wanted to spend my time off with you.”  
  
If Jensen hadn’t already had the worst night of his life, he would probably have been _far_ more excited about the idea. Jared had _wanted_ to spend some time with him. The problem was that the rest of his life had exploded all over him. “That’s sweet.”  
  
“They’re in the fridge, we can have them tomorrow,” Jared said. “Sit with me for a bit?”  
  
Part of Jensen wanted to escape to his bedroom but he knew it would probably be a good thing to spend a little time with Jared. There were way too many thoughts tearing through Jensen’s mind for him to actually fall asleep.  
  
Jensen sank down onto the sofa and blew out a long, slow breath. “Jesus Christ, Jared.”  
  
Jared sat down beside Jensen and pulled one leg up so he could face him. “You’re probably in shock. You should have gone to the hospital.”  
  
“Please don’t lecture me, Jared. I didn’t want to leave home.” Jensen could see why it might not make sense to anyone else, but his home was his safe place. In spite of the fact that someone had broken in and hurt him, it was still where he wanted to be.  
  
Jared dropped his gaze and curled his hands over his legs. “I can only imagine how tough this is, Jensen. I’m really sorry you have to go through it.”  
  
“I thought it was safe here. All the security,” Jensen said weakly.  
  
As Jared shook his head slightly, he closed his eyes briefly. “I didn’t think that Jeff would go to this length to be in your life.”  
  
Things were starting to settle in Jensen’s mind and that meant he was beginning to put some pieces together. “Jeff let the guy in.”  
  
“I think he must have. There aren’t any other gaps in the system. I went over it all a thousand times when it was installed.” Brow furrowed, Jared clasped his hands together. “There was nothing in his background to suggest anything like this happening.”  
  
“It’s not your fault, Jared. You couldn’t have guessed this. I still have trouble even … believing this. Well, I don’t but, I do.”  
  
Jared nodded. “I get it.”  
  
“Fuck,” Jensen said. “What the _hell_ do I do now? Not only is Jeff my best friend, he’s my agent.” Jensen could feel his heart beginning to race again as his anxiety peaked.  
  
“There’s plenty of time to figure things out, Jensen.” Jared ran his hands through his hair.  
  
“What the hell do I say to the publishers? I need a new agent because the last one hired someone to break into my house?” Jensen’s jaw started to ache again just thinking about the evening’s events.  
  
“Jensen, we’ll work through everything. It’s going to be too overwhelming to try and figure it all out right now. There’s plenty of time and I'll be here every step of the way.” Jared frowned when he looked down at Jensen’s jaw then reached behind him for the ice pack left by the EMTs. “Here.”  
  
The cool pack pressed to Jensen’s jaw and it felt a little better. He didn’t bother to try and hold it himself. He just let Jared take care of him. It felt good after all the shit that had happened.  
  
“You’re gonna have a hell of a bruise there,” Jared said quietly. “It’s pretty swollen too.”  
  
“Aches like hell,” Jensen answered. If he _never_ got punched again that would be _very_ okay with him. He rubbed his hand gently over his stomach.  
  
“You’ll let me know if the pain in your stomach gets any worse,” Jared said. He looked worried. He’d looked worried ever since the house had finally emptied out.  
  
“I’m okay.” It was a lie. Well, partly. Physically, he’d definitely survive; mentally he wasn’t so sure. It would be a hell of a long time before Jensen would want to spend a night alone at the house.  
  
“Let me know if the pain gets worse. It could be an internal injury.”  
  
Jensen nodded but he really couldn’t accept that things might get any worse.  
  
They were quiet for a little while then Jared reached for Jensen’s hand as he adjusted the icepack. “It probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but it’s going to be okay, Jensen.”  
  
Jensen nodded slowly and gripped Jared’s hand a little tighter. He didn’t want to risk trying to speak because of the gigantic knot of emotion that was lodged in his throat.  
  
_Everything_ was going to be _so_ different.  
  
“You’re going to hate me saying this again,” Jared began. “But I really think we should call the police about this.”  
  
Jensen shook his head slowly and took the ice pack from Jared. He pulled it away from his jaw and tossed it onto the coffee table. “Let me just … not do anything tonight, okay? I know you’re right. I just. You said I could press charges tomorrow. I don’t have it in me to do anything else tonight.”  
  
It looked like Jared was going to protest then he sighed and squeezed Jensen’s hand. “Okay, but I’m staying close tonight.”  
  
In spite of everything he’d been through, Jensen smiled slightly. “Close?”  
  
“Okay.” There was a slight blush appearing on Jared’s cheeks. “What I meant by that is that I’ll take one of the upstairs bedrooms.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Jensen said even though he was pretty sure that Jared wouldn’t take no for an answer anyway.  
  
“In fact, I’ll take the one that’s closest to yours,” Jared said firmly.  
  
Jensen was pretty sure that if Jared had said he wanted to sleep at the foot of the bed, Jensen would have agreed. “You’ll make sure everything is locked up tonight?”  
  
Jared nodded quickly. “Of course. I”ll call the alarm company and the locksmith tomorrow and have everything changed.”  
  
“Okay,” Jensen said softly. He was still holding Jared’s hand even though he felt like he shouldn’t be. “Tomorrow is really going to suck.”  
  
“Why?” Jared frowned again. He’d been doing that a lot.  
  
“It’s going to be one of those mornings when I wake up and, for a few moments, everything feels great, then _bam_. It all comes back.”  
  
Jared nodded. “I hate that feeling. But, tomorrow is tomorrow. We’ll … start over and face one thing at a time.”  
  
“Man, Jeff though.” There was a lot of processing that Jensen had to do. There was a bit of a battle going on in his head, and it would probably last for a while.  
  
Quiet for some time, Jared ran his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand. “You know, Jeff may have a really messed up way of expressing his friendship. But, that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been a real friendship for you.”  
  
Jensen nodded. He knew exactly what Jared was saying but it was a concept that was completely out of Jensen’s reach for the time being. _Sleep_ was what Jensen wanted more than anything. “I’ve got to go to bed. It’s all been a little too much.”  
  
“Understandable,” Jared said quietly. “Drink some more water and I’ll double check that everything is locked up.  
  
While he listened to Jared’s footsteps, Jensen closed his eyes and pressed his hand over them. His head was throbbing and his eyes felt like they were full of sand. The ache in his belly had been constant since he’d been kicked and it was hard for him to even sit comfortably without leaning to one side.  
  
Jared’s hand on his shoulder surprised Jensen and he jumped. “God.”  
  
“Sorry,” Jared said quickly. “I thought you would have heard me coming back.”  
  
“I have a feeling I will be jumpy for a while.”  
  
“Yeah, understandable.”  
  
“All good?”  
  
Jared nodded. “All locked up. Ready to go up?”  
  
Jensen nodded. When he stood though, his stomach throbbed and he groaned. “I really hate that guy.”  
  
“It’s gonna hurt more tomorrow,” Jared said with a frown on his face.  
  
“It fucking hurts a lot _now_.” Jensen didn’t mean to sound quite as pissed off as he did. But hell, it wasn’t every day that he got beat up.  
  
“Let’s go, you need to rest,” Jared said firmly.  
  
They headed up the stairs quietly. The house felt a little different to Jensen, maybe because it didn’t feel as safe anymore. It probably wouldn’t feel safe for a very long time.  
  
But, at least, there was Jared. It was damned good that he came home when he did.  
  
Jared stopped outside Jensen’s bedroom door and smiled. “So rain check on the cupcakes?”  
  
Jensen found himself returning Jared’s smile. “Good thing that cake keeps okay.”  
  
“Yeah.” Jared touched his fingers briefly to Jensen’s cheek then headed to the spare room.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
[](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/twoboys2love/66949000/26544/26544_original.png)  
  
For a little while, everything in Jensen’s mind was his dream. There was some kind of creature, cold and slimy, slithering up Jensen’s body. It was cold on his chest, sending shivers down his spine. There was nothing around Jensen but darkness and emptiness. But, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t see anything. He _knew_ what was there.  
  
The creature reached his neck and tightened around Jensen’s flesh until it cut off his air.  
  
There was a click and Jensen’s eyes shot open.  
  
“There you are,” said a familiar voice.  
  
It took a few moments for Jensen to shake off the cobwebs of his nightmare. It lingered like something oily that was stuck to his skin.  
  
“Wake up,” said the voice.  
  
“Jeff?” For a second or two, everything seemed okay. Then Jensen struggled to sit up in bed. “What the _fuck_ are you doing here?”  
  
Something glinted in the moonlight and Jensen sucked in a breath when he saw that Jeff was holding a handgun and it was pointed at the middle of Jensen’s chest.  
  
“Jeff? What? What’s happening?” Fear gripped hold of Jensen’s spine and he struggled to swallow.  
  
The barrel of the gun was shaking slightly, there was a crazed look in Jeff’s eyes and his expression was dark. “You shouldn’t have asked me to leave, Jensen.”  
  
Jensen rubbed at his eyes. There was no way this was happening. “Jeff, what the hell are you doing with a gun?”  
  
The expression on Jeff’s face changed. He looked almost sad. “I’ve been everything to you, Jensen. For years now. And those letters I sent, they should have made everything different. It should have changed things.”  
  
“What?” Jensen’s heart was pounding like it was fighting its way out through his damned ribcage. “You sent those letters?”  
  
There was sweat beading on Jeff’s forehead and it glistened in the moonlight that shone through the window. Jeff’s trembling hand lowered slightly but the aim of the barrell still made Jensen wince.  
  
Fingers gripping the sheet that had fallen to his waist, Jensen could feel a cool breeze on bare chest from an open window. “Jeff? Why did you send the letters?”  
  
“Because you should have said _yes_ ,” Jeff said softly.  
  
“What?” Jensen glanced around quickly when Jeff averted his gaze. There wasn’t a single fucking thing that Jensen could use as a weapon; nothing to throw, nothing he could help himself with.  
  
Jeff paced the width of the room and kept the gun pointed at Jensen the entire time. “You should have said yes to letting me into your life. The letters, they were supposed to scare you-”  
  
“- Why Jeff? You’re my best friend-”  
  
“Shut up!” Jeff yelled. “I’ve taken care of everything here. And, then when Jared showed up,you just, you just started acting like a lovesick teenager.”  
  
“Jeff, I’m sorry. I didn’t - Jared and I aren’t. _Fuck_ , Jeff. This is crazy.” There was nothing normal about what was happening.  
  
“Do _not_ patronize me, Jensen.” The darkness returned to Jeff’s face. “You know, we could have just talked everything out. We’ve always done that before.”  
  
“Jeff. Just put the gun down,” Jensen said. His voice wavered and he gripped the sheet even tighter.  
  
“Don’t move.”  
  
_Jared._  
  
Jensen let out a slow breath. Afraid to move too much, he glanced towards the bedroom door.  
  
Jared filled the doorframe. He had his own gun pointed at Jeff.  
  
The laughter that Jeff let loose scared Jensen more than anything else he’d heard that evening. It sounded desperate and like Jeff had nothing left to lose.  
  
Jared took a couple of steps into the room. “Jeff, you’ve got ten seconds to drop that gun.”  
  
Jeff leaned back slightly as he continued to chuckle for a while longer. When he straightened up, he waved the gun back and forth. “You want me to drop this gun? What are you gonna do, Jared. Shoot me?”  
  
“If I have to,” Jared answered quickly. “Five seconds.”  
  
“This is how your partner nearly died, Jared. You won’t shoot me. You couldn’t shoot when you needed to.”  
  
“I’ve learned my lesson,” Jared said. His gun dipped slightly and he pulled the trigger.  
  
There was a flash at the muzzle of the gun and a crack so loud that Jensen’s ears rang.  
  
Jeff’s leg buckled and he hit the floor. The gun flew out of his hand and Jared crossed the room in a couple of seconds. He kicked the gun away from Jeff and looked up at Jensen. “You alright?”  
  
Jensen couldn’t stop shaking. He stared down at Jeff, not sure if the man was even alive. “Is he -”  
  
“I shot him in the leg,” Jared said flatly. He reached down and picked up a piece of clothing from the floor, balled it up and threw it at Jeff. “Put pressure on that.”  
  
“Fuck you,” Jeff spat.  
  
Jensen dropped his head into his hands because he couldn’t catch his breath.  
  
“The police are on their way,” Jared said as he bent down to pick up the gun.  
  
When Jensen looked up, the room blurred as tears burned in his eyes. It was beginning to feel like all his nightmares were becoming reality.  
  
The mattress sank slightly as Jared sat down beside Jensen.  
  
“He wrote those letters,” Jensen said softly.  
  
“I heard.”  
  
Jeff groaned and muttered something.  
  
“What is _happening_ to my life?” Jensen could feel tears trailing wet and hot down his cheeks. Through his blurred vision he saw the blue and red of the police lights for the second time in twenty-four hours.  
  
Jared slipped his arm over Jensen’s shoulders and pulled him in close. “It’s okay.”  
  
But nothing felt okay to Jensen. When Jeff groaned again, Jensen closed his eyes.  
  
The gate buzzer sounded and Jared stood. “I have to let them in.”  
  
And just like that everything changed again.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
For almost a week, Jensen didn’t leave his bed very often. He showered, he went to the bathroom, a few times he even went down to the kitchen to bring up some food.  
  
He spoke to the police when they came by. Jeff was being charged with _assault_. Jensen had argued against the addition of _with a deadly weapon_. No matter how much things had changed, Jeff had been a good friend to Jensen over the years and there were some things Jensen couldn’t live with.  
  
Jared had taken care of most of the things that needed to be done. He spoke to the cops whenever they were at the house but he stayed away when he could. There were muted voices in the place sometimes, but Jensen didn’t bother to try and find out who was there.  
  
Jared slipped notes under Jensen’s bedroom door when he didn’t answer. The first note said that the security codes had all been changed. The second note said something that Jensen couldn’t even remember. The ninth and tenth notes were still lying in front of the door.  
  
The book, the new book, remained untouched and the nightmares were building up in Jensen’s mind again.  
  
And _that_ was his life.  
  
Jensen had no idea how much time had passed when there was a knock and the bedroom door had swung open to reveal Jared with a key in his hand.  
  
“Go away,” Jensen growled.  
  
“No.” Jared strode into the bedroom and flung the curtains open wide.  
  
“Shit,” Jensen spat. The sun streaming in the window hurt his eyes. “Stop.”  
  
“It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back to work on your book.” Jared sounded kind of pissed off and that just made Jensen feel defensive.  
  
“Jared. Get out. It’s not part of your job to babysit me. I’m fine.” Jensen pulled the covers up over his head and slid further down in his bed.  
  
The covers were yanked away and Jensen was suddenly cold and squinting. “What the _hell_ , Jared?”  
  
“Enough is enough,” Jared muttered.  
  
The edge of the mattress sank down and Jensen finally managed to open his eyes enough to _see_ Jared. He looked pretty much the same, except he looked tired and maybe a little thinner. “Jared, I just need some time.”  
  
“Jensen, you’ve had enough time. It’s been weeks. You look like shit, you’re not eating properly, I know you’re not writing and you really don’t smell all that great.”  
  
When Jensen looked up there was a slight smile on Jared’s face.  
  
“I shower,” Jensen murmured.  
  
“You need to get up.” Jared turned and pulled one knee up onto the bed. “Come on. It’s time.”  
  
“For what?” It was a question Jensen had asked himself more than a few times while he’d been lying there counting the spackle on the ceiling.  
  
“Your book?”  
  
Jensen shrugged. “It can wait. I’ve always been on time before. They owe me.”  
  
“The garden, outside, your health,” Jared insisted. “Want me to keep going?”  
  
“I’m not gonna die or anything,” Jensen muttered. He really wasn’t interesting in a pep talk or listening to Jared ramble on like a camp counselor. As far as Jensen was concerned, he wasn’t doing anything wrong.  
  
“Me,” Jared said softly.  
  
“What?” Jensen rolled over onto his side and pulled the sheet back up to his waist when he remembered he was only wearing pink boxers. They were his favorites.  
  
“Me,” Jared said more firmly. “You started something with me. I don’t care if all you want from me now is friendship but you don’t get to check out on me.”  
  
Jensen squinted up at Jared’s face so he could look a little more closely. He looked a little pale, there were worry lines on his forehead and he wasn’t dressed quite as immaculately as usual. Jensen frowned and shifted around until he could sit up.  
  
“I never said I wanted to be friends,” Jensen blurted out.  
  
Looking more than a little hurt, Jared leaned back slightly. His eyes widened and then he looked away.  
  
That was about the time that Jensen realized what he’d said. “That’s not. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”  
  
“It’s okay. You don’t have to like me at all but you _still_ have to get up. I’ll call your sister. I’m sure she’ll come visit.” Jared pushed up from the mattress.  
  
Jensen reached out quickly and caught Jared’s wrist. “Don’t. I didn’t. What I meant was that I didn’t say I _just_ wanted to be friends.”  
  
When Jared looked down, he smiled slightly. “You don’t date people you work with.”  
  
Jensen had to nod. “I’ve been thinking about firing you.”  
  
“Good,” Jared said. He shook off Jensen’s grip, leaned down and kissed Jensen’s forehead. “Get up. _Shower_. I’m making pancakes.”  
  
For a while, they just stared at each other, then Jensen nodded.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
After the first couple of days it got a little easier to get up. Jensen didn’t do much talking, and Jared didn’t press him. Jared was just _there_ and it was nice.  
  
Things settled in Jensen’s mind a little and he found it easier to accept that, eventually, things might actually begin to feel normal again. He found that he just had a lot of questions about what _normal_ wouldn't end up becoming.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
It was the first day that Jensen had taken a coffee from the kitchen and gone to sit outside. He wasn’t sure how long it had been, but the garden had changed.  
  
The buds were gone from the plants and the leaves had begun to turn dark orange.  
  
“It’s been a while.”  
  
Jensen jumped and turned to find Jared standing behind him with a coffee of his own.  
  
“You following me?”  
  
Jared shook his head. “I’ve been putting a pot of coffee on every morning. I sit out here a lot. I like the fresh air.”  
  
Jared looked good even though he looked a little tired. He was wearing a beat-up old t shirt and baggy jeans. His boots weren’t laced up and the long black laces snaked out from his feet.  
  
“Don’t trip.”  
  
Frowning, Jared tilted his head slightly until Jensen gestured to the boots. “Oh, I’ll be careful.”  
  
Jensen shrugged and headed over to the patio table to sit down. “Want to join me?”  
  
“If it’s okay.” Jared hesitated by the door and looked down at his coffee.  
  
It wasn’t until that moment that Jensen began to realize how hard he’d been on Jared since the night Jeff had been arrested. It hadn’t been intentional, but there it was written all over Jared’s face. “I’d like it if you’d join me.”  
  
Jared walked over to the table slowly and sat down in the chair farthest from Jensen.  
  
Jensen’s heart ached a little bit. “I ... the garden’s changed a lot.”  
  
“Yeah. The seasons change.” Jared set his coffee down and rubbed his hand over his mouth. “First time you've been out here in a long time.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen began. “About that. I’m - this is what I’m like sometimes.”  
  
Jared nodded and looked down at his coffee.  
  
“But, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you like I did. You’ve been very kind to me.”  
  
“Kind?” When Jared looked up his brow was furrowed.  
  
There were times when it felt like Jensen didn’t know how to talk to people. Maybe Jeff had been right and he really had spent too much time alone over the years. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”  
  
“I’m sure you didn’t, Jensen. But, I’m not here because I’m kind.” Jared actually looked a little annoyed.  
  
Jensen opened his mouth to ask if Jared was still getting his bank transfers. The question dried up on his tongue when Jared’s gaze narrowed.  
  
“Before you remind me that I’m your employee, I’ll let you know that I resigned about a month ago. My resignation letter is on the floor in your bedroom with the rest of the stuff you haven’t read.” Jared folded his arms across his chest and fixed Jensen with a serious glare.  
  
“Okay,” Jensen said. It was true, he _had_ stopped looking at the things Jared had slipped under the door. He found it difficult to care about most things that were going on. “Why are you still here, then? I don’t need a babysitter.”  
  
“Do you ever stop?”  
  
Taken aback, Jensen frowned and tried to look casual by taking a sip of his coffee. “Stop what?”  
  
“Feeling sorry for yourself. Pushing me away because you have some bizarre idea that I’m only here because I feel sorry for you.”  
  
This time, it was Jensen’s turn to be angry. “I’m not feeling _sorry_ for myself. I went through a lot of shit. I’m feeling a little like the rug was pulled out from under me.” The coffee cup in Jensen’s hand was shaking slightly so he set it down on the table.  
  
“ _Feeling_ like that is normal. Staying in your bedroom for a month and a half is feeling sorry for yourself,” Jared said firmly.  
  
“You knew when you came here that I had issues. Je-” Saying Jeff’s name was far more difficult than Jensen had expected. “ _Jeff_ told you why he was hiring someone to do security here. He told you-”  
  
“Jensen stop! I don’t care if you have trouble leaving the house. I don’t care about the weird quirks. I’m not scared off by the nightmares and the bizarre thoughts. I’m not _fucking_ here because I feel sorry for you or because you pay me.” Jared slammed his hand down onto the table hard enough to rattle both mugs. He withdrew it quickly and immediately curled his fingers into fists. “Sorry.”  
  
Jensen nodded his head once and averted his gaze. “Tell me how you really feel, Jared.”  
  
“It’s not a joke, Jensen.” In a heartbeat, Jared was on his feet and in two steps he was beside Jensen. He knelt down and grabbed Jensen’s hand. “I’m here because you’re here.”  
  
Frowning, Jensen looked down at his hand where it was gripped between both of Jared’s. “So, have I screwed everything up?”  
  
“Of course not. Have I?” When Jared looked up, his expression softened.  
  
Not trusting his voice, Jensen shook his head.  
  
“Good,” Jared said in a rough voice. “Good.” He squeezed Jensen’s hand and smiled slightly.  
  
Jensen cleared his throat. “You owe me cupcakes.”  
  
“I what?”  
  
“Cupcakes,” Jensen repeated. “When I gave you the night off, when Jeff… Well, you said you had brought home cupcakes.”  
  
Understanding began to dawn on Jared’s face and he dipped his head down in an attempt to hide his smile. “I did. I guess. Maybe I should get some more some time.”  
  
“Yeah. Maybe you should.” Jensen slid his thumb over the back of Jared’s hand and smiled. “Maybe we could start with a walk through the garden?”  
  
“You bet,” Jared said quickly. He stood and pulled Jensen up to his feet. “Let’s go then.”  
  
Jensen took a deep breath. His first walk in the garden for a very long time. But then, some things were worth waiting for.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
When Jared laughed, Jensen thought it was one of the best sounds he’d ever heard. It was one of the things that Jensen used to get out of bed for in the morning.  
  
A lot of effort went into getting out of bed, showering and getting dressed at first. It got easier each day though.  
  
Whenever Jensen made it down to the kitchen, there was a fresh pot of coffee brewed by Jared.  
  
Jared’s laugh was the icing on the cupcake. When Jared laughed; a genuine, big, full body display of happiness, it was amazing.  
  
Jensen looked forward to it.  
  
Then one day, Jensen found himself sitting outside with a notebook, writing. It was the first time he had written anything since his world had changed.  
  
As Jensen breathed in the fresh morning air, his pen began scratching away at the blank page in front of him.  
  
He’d filled quite a few pages by the time Jared brought him a coffee and a sandwich. He set them on the table without a word, then disappeared back into the house.  
  
Jensen smiled.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
It turned out that Jared was correct. Things got better. Jensen managed to finish the first draft of his book. Jeff pleaded no contest to the charges against him. Jensen didn’t go to the sentencing. He felt as though that part of his life was behind him. He would never see Jeff again if he could help it.  
  
Jared had told Jensen that he was taking a break from the security business. Naturally, Jensen didn’t mind having Jared around, so he was fine with Jared’s sabbatical. The only thing that changed was that Jensen had less time to socialize, the more he wrote.  
  
One night, there was a knock at the office door. Jared poked his head in and smiled. “There’s a full moon and it’s beautiful out. Come swim.”  
  
Jensen rubbed at his eyes then looked down at the time on his screen. It was two in the morning. “It’s the middle fo the night.”  
  
“And your book is done.”  
  
“I’m jotting down ideas for a new one.”  
  
“Plenty of time, and the moon makes it look like daylight out there. It’s amazing.”  
  
“I don’t have clean swim shorts,” Jensen said. It sounded like a lame excuse.  
  
Jared shot him a look of disbelief. “You have your own pool, in the middle of nowhere. Come on. Use that creative brain of yours.”  
  
Jensen sighed.  
  
“I’ll be in the pool.” Jared disappeared.  
  
It had been along time since Jensen had ventured into the pool. He wasn’t really sure why. Surely, if he could walk around the garden with Jared he could go for a swim.  
  
His book _was_ finished.  
  
There were no rewrites to work on.  
  
No one could hear or see them.  
  
There was a splash outside. Jensen had heard it enough times to know that it was Jared diving into the pool.  
  
The idea of Jared’s body sliding through the warm water, moonlight reflecting on the surface … well … that was enough to get Jensen moving.  
  
He didn’t bother to stop for shoes, Just padded down the stairs and headed out to the patio.  
  
The moon _was_ beautiful. It was a warm, bright light and the yard was awash with it.  
  
The ripples on the pool glistened as Jared swam to the far end. He reached the wall, burst up through the water and swept his hair back out of his eyes.  
  
It was quite a picture.  
  
Jensen licked his lips and took a slow, deep breath.  
  
“Come in, it’s warm,” Jared said. His voice echoed a little off the water.  
  
For a few seconds, Jensen stood at the end of the pool staring.  
  
Jared smiled warmly.  
  
Jensen slipped his t-shirt off and tossed it onto one of the chairs. He waited until Jared’s head disappeared under the water before slipping out of his sweat pants. He tossed them in the direction of the chair and jumped into the pool.  
  
The water engulfed Jensen, pressing in on him from all angles. It felt good, as though he was cradled in warmth. Pulling himself through the water, Jensen swam along the bottom then surfaced about halfway. He looked around and saw a wake where Jared was swimming underwater.  
  
Jared popped up through the surface of the water right in front of Jensen. “Isn’t it great?”  
  
“It is,” Jensen had to agree. He was standing on the bottom of the pool and the water came up to his rib cage. He let his arms float out to the side and laid back slightly.  
  
“When was the last time you were in the pool?”  
  
“It’s been a while.” The stars were crystal clear in the sky and Jensen tried to pick out some of the constellations.  
  
“You really gotta take more time to enjoy this place, Jensen.”  
  
The whole point of being out in the middle of nowhere had been to relax and enjoy more of life. It just hadn’t worked out how Jensen had planned it. “You’re right. I guess I just got a little derailed.”  
  
“For a while,” Jared answered.  
  
Jensen smiled as Jared moved a little closer. His arm moved under the water and Jensen jumped when fingers slipped along his side.  
  
Their eyes met as Jared’s tongue glided over his bottom lip. “I’m gonna kiss you now, because if I keep waiting for you to do it … well.” Jared shrugged.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Jensen smirked. Jared had a valid point. ”I’m the more reserved of the two of us.”  
  
Laughing, Jared slid an arm around Jensen’s waist and pulled him in close.  
  
Jensen was instantly reminded of how naked they were. He’d been managing to avoid thinking about it until he could feel _all_ of Jared.  
  
“I don’t think you’re reserved at all, Jensen.” Jared snaked his other arm around Jensen’s waist. His lips grazed the skin along Jensen’s jaw line.  
  
“I. I am,” Jensen said unconvincingly. The sensation of Jared’s lips sliding against Jensen damp skin sent shockwaves through Jensen’s body. Like a rock thrown in the pool, each kiss sent heat radiating out along Jensen’s skin.  
  
“I don’t want to wait anymore,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s neck.  
  
One of his hands covered the small of Jensen’s back, the other moved slowly up Jensen’s spine until fingers were cool on the nape of his neck. “Neither do I.”  
  
When their mouths came together, Jensen felt the kiss throughout his body. He let his arms drift forward and moved them over Jared’s shoulders until he could finally slide his fingers up into Jared’s hair.  
  
The water made their flesh slippery and as Jensen shifted his arms up, he felt the way Jared’s broad chest expanded with each breath. He could feel the solid muscles in Jared’s abs and the sharp cut of his hipbone. The hard length of Jared’s cock slid into the groove above Jensen’s thigh. It was about as perfect as Jensen had ever felt. The tension leaked out of his body and he poured everything into kissing Jared.  
  
Their mouths moved slowly, at first. Jensen was trying to remember every single curve of Jared’s lips, the way his tongue eased forward and glided against Jensen’s.  
  
They were moving through the water slowly. Jensen walked backwards, one hand gripping Jared’s hair, the other tracing all the curves and hard lines of Jared’s body.  
  
When they bumped into the side of the pool, Jared leaned into Jensen and kept him pinned there.  
  
It was a little overwhelming and Jensen withdrew from the kiss so he could suck in a few, deep breaths.  
  
“Alright?” Jared asked.  
  
Jensen smiled. Jared’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes almost completely black, and his swollen lips glistened in the bright moonlight.  
  
“Absolutely alright.”  
  
It wasn’t a familiar feeling for Jensen: being certain. But he was completely certain about being there with Jared in that moment. He reached for the ladder behind him and hauled himself up out of the water. When he reached the top, he turned and held out his hand for Jared.  
  
Jared grabbed Jensen’s hand and climbed out of the pool. They stood there for a while, fingers tangled together loosely. It was difficult for Jensen to do anything other than trail his gaze over Jared’s body. All the muscles in his chest were well-defined, his body was lean and slender right down to his narrow hips. All of his skin glistened with pool water and Jensen sank his teeth into his bottom lip. He was incredibly lucky and more turned on than he’d ever been before in his life.  
  
“Let’s go in,” Jared said.  
  
Jensen nodded because there was no way he was going to try and speak.  
  
Jensen followed Jared inside and waited while Jared locked up. They headed straight upstairs and into Jensen’s bedroom.  
  
The moonlight was streaming through the windows and Jensen smiled as he pulled Jared towards the bed. He walked backwards until his calves bumped into the bed and he sat down.  
  
He sucked in a deep breath and leaned in to smooth his lips along the length of Jared’s cock.  
  
Jared moaned and his body swayed slightly as his nails scraped over Jensen’s scalp.  
  
The hot flesh of Jared’s hardness tasted faintly of chlorine and Jensen lapped at the remaining beads of water.  
  
“Jesus, enough,” Jared said gruffly. He grabbed Jensen’s shoulders and pushed him back onto the bed, then climbed over him. They struggled to get further onto the bed while their mouths slid together.  
  
They lay on their sides facing each other for a while. Jensen liked the way Jared’s hair fell into his eyes; damp strands were clumped together. He reached up and ran his fingers through the long, damp strands. The hair was smooth as it ran through his fingers.  
  
“I’ve been thinking,” Jensen said. His heart was pounding, slow and hard, like it was trying to get his attention.  
  
“About what?” Jared propped his head up on his hand and his lips curved into a gentle smile.  
  
“I was wondering if we could take a trip. Maybe somewhere warm.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jared’s eyes glinted with moonlight as he lifted his gaze to meet Jensen’s.  
  
Jensen had expected more of a reaction. But, then he was never quite sure what to expect from Jared. “I thought it might be good.”  
  
“If it’s what you want,” Jared said. He lifted his free hand and trailed his finger down Jensen’s arm, over his elbow and then along to the tip of his finger.  
  
Little shivers slipped along Jensen’s skin and he blinked slowly. “It’s what I want.”  
  
Jared shifted a little closer and his arm slid over Jensen’s waist slowly. His fingers ghosted over the globe of Jensen’s ass. “What else do you want?”  
  
A smile crept onto Jensen’s lips and he looked down at Jared’s chest. “You.”  
  
Jared leaned in and kissed the corner of Jensen’s mouth. “Say that again.”  
  
Another shiver rolled down Jensen’s body. “I want you.”  
  
Jared caught Jensen’s bottom lip between his, then slid his hand down to curve over Jensen’s ass.  
  
They were both tall, but in that moment, Jensen felt as though Jared was everywhere around him. He let his eyes close and soaked up the sensation of Jared’s hand sliding down his thigh. Their bodies were pressed together and Jared’s hardon slid against Jensen’s as he lifted Jensen’s leg over his own.  
  
It was second nature for Jensen to let his hand slip over Jared’s shoulder.  
  
Everything was hot, wet kisses and hands that were everywhere and Jensen couldn’t even find time to breathe.  
  
The way Jared worked Jensen open was gentle and persistent. The time it took was surreal. Jensen could feel the stretch and burn at the same time that he felt Jared touching his ass, his hip and the ache in his balls.  
  
Jensen did his part to drive Jared crazy. Even with one hand firmly gripping Jared’s hair, he managed to explore the smooth flesh in front of him.  
  
The length of Jared’s cock was a little intimidating but Jensen forgot quickly when Jared’s mouth found his again.  
  
They were still kissing when Jared’s cock breached the instinctual clench of Jensen’s ass. He sucked in a breath and his nails scraped down Jared’s back.  
  
Pain flared briefly across Jensen’s awareness and then he could feel want and desire flooding through his sweat-drenched body.  
  
Jared murmured Jensen’s name against his lips as he thrust his hips forward in a slow and maddening rhythm.  
  
With his leg still hiked over Jared’s hip, Jensen tried to press closer. He wanted more of the fullness, more of the feel of Jared’s sweet-sticky chest against his own.  
  
The rise and fall of Jensen’s chest was so rapid he couldn’t even get enough air. His body was tingling with pleasure and each slide of Jared’s cock deep into him left Jensen shivering with want.  
  
When Jared’s long fingers curled around Jensen’s aching shaft it was almost a relief. His desire was winding up inside his belly like a coiled snake ready to strike.  
  
Jared’s hips snapped forwards, faster, harder and Jensen moaned as he sucked and bit at Jared’s shoulder. He was _so_ close to coming that his hands shook as he slid them both up into Jared’s hair.  
  
As he thrust his hips forward one last time, Jared pulled back to stare into Jensen’s eyes. His breath caught in his chest, his pink lips parted to let out a breathless moan and his lashes fluttered.  
  
The throb of Jared’s cock sent tremors through Jensen’s body and he could feel the way Jared’s orgasm ripped through his.  
  
At the same time, Jared’s fingers swept up Jensen’s member and over the weeping head. It was enough and too much and Jensen’s orgasm tore through him. He jerked and twisted, come splashed up his belly and chest. As Jensen’s cock pulsed, his balls clenched tightly. He clung to Jared as wave after wave of releases shook him.  
  
They lay there, limbs entwined as their sweat began to cool and dry on their skin.  
  
“You cold?” Jared asked after about a hundred years.  
  
“No,” Jensen answer lazily. “You’re warm.”  
  
Jared’s laugh was deep and he nuzzled into Jensen’s neck. “I fucking love the way you smell.”  
  
Another little thrill tripped through Jensen’s body. He wrapped his arms around Jared’s neck and held on tightly. “That’s a good thing. I intend to keep you very close to me.”  
  
“Mmm. Good,” Jared said sleepily. He rolled away carefully and settled on his back.  
  
For a while, Jensen couldn’t help staring. The way Jared was sprawled across the bed, Jensen could see every inch of his tanned skin. He was so perfect it was almost ridiculous.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” With his eyes closed, Jared turned his face towards Jensen.  
  
“I’m wondering what you’d look like on a beach somewhere in Mexico.” It wasn’t a lie: Jensen _was_ thinking about seeing Jared as he emerged from the ocean waves and flopped down on his towel.  
  
“Are you going to be there?” Jared asked quietly.  
  
“Definitely. I need a vacation after all this writing. I think it’s time for a break.” It was also time for a change. It was time to get out of the house and have some kind of life. The fact that it could be with Jared made it all the more worthwhile.  
  
“Anytime you’re ready. I’ve been fired so, I’m free,” Jared teased.  
  
Jensen chuckled as he shifted closer to Jared’s side. “You must have had a perceptive boss.”  
  
“Not really,” Jared answered before sighing wearily. “It took him ages to realize I wanted him”  
  
With a smile firmly on his lips, Jensen leaned in closer. “Maybe, he was just a little lost.”  
  
“Good thing I found him then.”  
  
As Jared drifted off to sleep, Jensen watched him. He couldn’t stop smiling as he watched Jared’s face in the moonlight.  
  
Things were going to be good.

 


End file.
